Hey. I’m really new to Reddit (and generally sharing stuff online at all) so forgive me if I do things wrong. For context, I’ve been diagnosed with severe GAD and major depressive disorder, and I also self harm (though that term is kind of muddy in this situation, it’s more of a bodily-focused repetitive behavior as far as I can tell, but who knows). I’m a senior in high school, which has been the easiest and hardest year of at least my academic career, if not my life—easiest because I have only two academic classes with some art school things I’ve done for years, and hardest because my mental state has deteriorated so far from what it was even six months ago, let alone a year. Since I was 11 or 12 I’ve received counseling and a few years after that I started taking meds, which has been an ongoing experiment because my mental state has so many different factors (dissociation, paranoia, compulsive self-injury, sensory sensitivity, hallucinations, and more) and on top of that my body is extremely sensitive to psychotropic drugs, so I experience negative side effects quickly and often (a curse as much as a blessing).
I’ve seen two counselors, one licensed by my school and one from a local practice, for around two years or so, though I’ve seen the former for much longer as a supplement for the other. Just today the personal counselor voiced concern for my safety due to recent suicidal ideation in combination with my worsening self-injury (rather than using sharp utensils to cut into my skin, I pick and squeeze with what little nails my fingers have and subsequently ingest the contents, making us lean more in the direction of a compulsion than a desire to hurt myself; but I digress). I’ve been fortunate in having a wonderful support group around me for as long as I can remember—my family, friends, peers, teachers, counselors, and doctors are all amazing people that truly care about me and are good at what they do, and it’s been like that for my entire life—and my parents and I trust my counselor’s judgement in this regard. She suggests I should be moved into a more intensive outpatient group, actively “targeting” suicidal and self-harming intents and actions for a few times a week. Part of me is sad that I’ve reached this point of concern, but I’m honestly relieved I can get help that’s in-between CBT and a stay in the hospital. I feel like I’m a danger to myself at home—I self-injure at least twice a day, to the point that I’ve had to go to see a wound specialist to aid in healing various infections I’d contracted—and I’m hopeful that I can become stable before I start college in the fall.
This is really long-winded, and I’m sorry if it’s too much information or something. I just wanted to get that off of my chest, in a community that knows exactly how I feel. For those of you that have gone through this process before, do you have any tips? This is my first time in a group setting for therapy, so advice on that would be greatly appreciated. If nothing else, I’m thankful for this space for me to vent.
Submitted March 18, 2019 at 07:58PM by anxious_carrot https://ift.tt/2Ti3P3r
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