The season has ended, but there is still business to which we must attend. When last we left our heroes, four teams had yet to realize their destiny. Their fates have now been sealed, sewn into the fabric of history and unerasable by mortal hands.
Now we must determine how well those teams have accepted their fates. For the final time, to the rankings:
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4. WCYDINOS
We weren’t panicked when we got passed up for the top seed on B team. We weren’t panicked when our A team bowed out of the playoffs in a surprise first-round upset. We weren’t panicked after dropping one game of the Buperball, then another, then another, then another and oops it’s over we lost
Acceptance Level: The baby WCYDino, as volcanic ash and rock falls all around him and the dust begins to fill the atmosphere, soon to choke out all life on this planet, latches onto the nearest thing he can find with his big maw
It’s a piece of dark fabric. The dino begins tugging on it angrily, trying to get retribution on something, anything for death of its daddy dino.
Vader looks down at it. “Oh, aren’t you cute,” he says.
He swings his light saber down swiftly. It’s a clean cut. His work done, he hops back in his shuttle and returns to the Death Star.
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3. SLATFATC
At least we made it this far, right? The dashing underdogs, scrapping our way from the 8-seed all the way to the Nuperball. History will definitely remember us for that, and not for being the poor wood that got buzzsawed in the Nuper.
Acceptance Level: fortytwo, the campaign manager for BallsToYou., attempts to nail down some key dates with the candidate.
“Ok, so Election Day is November 5. We’ll need you out campaigning nonstop for basically the full month before that. Of course, it helps that the last debate is on October 22, two weeks before Election Day. That’s going to be absolutely crucial. If you put up a good performance, we’ll win for sure.”
“That sounds great,” BallsToYou says. “One thing, though. I do have a vacation scheduled that entire week of the debate. Is that ok?”
fortytwo looks back at the calendar. “Yeah, I don’t see any problems with that.”
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2. FLAIRBNB
Ope, just gonna squeeze right past you there to the Nuperball. We’ve made a lot of jokes about this being the Midwestern team given the presence of Warped and ButtSnake, but they really acted like it. They were never the flashiest team, never got into drama (yes, Flairbnb, really) and as everyone around them started dropping like flies in the playoffs, they didn’t get rattled and just took care of business.
Midwesterners: Dealing with that shit for centuries.
And if there’s one thing that confirms the Midwest on this team, it’s that I consistently forgot that WarpedPotato, one of my favorite people in TagPro, played on this team throughout most of the season. Sorry buddy. No one’s going to forget you now. Flags fly forever.
Acceptance Level: Flairbnb admire their new rings at the banner-raising ceremony. They’re truly works of art, but one by one the players begin to realize those sparkling jewels aren’t what really matters.
“These are really great,” ButtSnake says. “But it’s not why I captained this team.”
“That’s right,” WarpedPotato says, taking his off ring. “I’d be happy with this season regardless of how it ended.”
RAMMSTEIN also takes his ring off. “The true victory is the friends we made along the way,” he says, smiling at his teammates.
The three of them hurl their rings into the sky, content to have each other.
“Oh, fuck that,” Razgriz says. “I waited way too long for this.”
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1. RETURNS OF THE JEDI
Remember back at the start of the season when everyone had us ranked low in the power rankings? Turns out nobody knows anything. Foci Four appearance on A, Buperball champs on B. That’s pretty much a better season than anyone else.
Guess you could say these Jedi have truly returnsed.
Acceptance Level: “There is no escape!” the cloaked figure says. “Don’t make me destroy you. Money T, you do not yet realize your importance. You’ve only begun to discover your power! Join me, and I will complete your training! With our combined strength, we can end this destructive conflict, and bring order to NLTP.”
“I’ll never join you!” SpaceTiger roars back.
“If only you knew the power of the Dark Side. A$AP never told you what happened to your father.”
“He told me enough!” $T yells. “He told me you killed him!”
“No,” the figure says, and $T realizes that it isn’t Vader at all.
“Call me DAD.”
Submitted March 29, 2019 at 01:07AM by Balled-Eagle https://ift.tt/2HZKemC
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