This will probably be a long one, bear with me and thank you for taking the time out to read/comment
I am very lucky. I grew up relatively wealthy and married a man with a similar background. He is an amazing husband and we have a lot of love in our 20 years together. It was evident that he would be the family provider and I would be able to work or not work. I worked part time until we got pregnant then became a stay at home mom. My husband makes enough for us to live very comfortably. He loves to spoil the family with gifts and vacations and takes care of all of our bills.
Once our second went off to school i started to grow bored and restless at home. I got really into DIY and converted a spare room in the house into a craft room for myself. I worked with glass and wood mostly making creative home decor items that you would find on Pinterest or Etsy. I really enjoyed it! I go so good I was making furniture pieces with reclaimed wood in 6 months. Then I began selling my pieces to friends or at local craft shows. At this point my husband thought it was "so cute" that I had a hobby of my own. He told me whatever money i made to reinvest in materials and tools I needed or to treat myself.
Then our third went off to school and I started looking into interior design and renovation projects. I started by redoing our home kitchen making it an open concept, modern room. I dont think my husband believed I did it with minimal assistance (I only needed a plumber and my token "Strong Man"). again all fine.
Fast forward a few years, I now have a well sought after home design business. Local contractors work through me on major and minor reno projects (thank God for everyone's love for HGTV) and i also create home decor pieces that I sell when i stage homes for real estate agents. I am making good money and I work on a great schedule that allows me to see my kids everyday.
Now onto my husband.... He enjoyed my "hobby" at first but about a year in he had some confusion over how low our monthly credit card bill was. I was paying for things like clothes, hair, nails, makeup with cash instead. He initially was ok with me putting the money into a educational trust for the children and having a separate account for myself but constantly makes comments about "my big bucks". He told me he wanted to continue paying for the household expenses when I told him I would contribute. Now whenever I come home with shopping bags he rolls his eyes and make sarcastic comments. I know he hates when I spoil him but he eventually accepts it.
At a recent dinner party he joked that I should be designing homes on the Sims game and who knew how much rich people love recycled wood. He belittled me in front of friends and I never saw that side of him before. I tried to talk to him about his comfort-ability with me making my own money and he responded by saying he didn't want to see me get stressed out and that I should enjoy my life. He is a great father and always there for games,plays, recitals, etc. but now he challenges me when i need help taxing them around. (Meanwhile he used to have no problem leaving work so I can take a certain Yoga class in the next town over).
I really like having this job! I love what i do and making money on my own is pretty cool too. I never had this opportunity and I am really good at what I do.
So last night I decided to talk to him directly. I told him I knew he had issues and we needed to resolve them. He brushed me off a lot and kept saying he has no issues but doesn't understand why I am not fulfilled with just the family. He said somethings about if i love him/ am happy with him. (I AM!) He then said he can't wait for me to grow out of this stage of my life and called it arts and crafts. HE WAS SO DEMEANING! again, not used to this. I grew angry with him and he changed his tune a bit. Why don't you start a non profit? Why don't you build homes for the poor? Which honestly were not bad ideas but they're not exactly what I want to do right now. But the real kicker was when I suggested he could work fewer hours and I would be able to cover the difference. He said that was such an insult to his work and that he made a promise to me that he would be the provider. ?????
Please help. I am not looking to divorce my husband over this but help me understand why me making money is such an attack on him being a man/provider. Any advice on how to communicate this better with my husband? This is new for us both.
PS I also just purchased a romantic getaway to Napa Valley for his birthday and am afraid of his reaction )=
TL,DR: Provider husband unhappy that I am now making money on my own with a home reno/design job.
Submitted March 18, 2019 at 06:21PM by fixerchickster https://ift.tt/2ThmXym
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