Type me. Long, took me about a week to write.

1. How old are? What's your gender? Give us a general description of yourself.

Well, I am 19, male. I was born in Israel, still in Israel living with my family. It isn't the best country to live at, but I am thankful I got a home and a family.

1. Is there a medical diagnosis that may impact your mental stability somehow?

Not that I am aware off.

1. Describe your upbringing. Did it have any kind of religious or structured influence? How did you respond to it?

I have 2 brothers and 2 sisters, only 1 brother is younger than me. My dad used to work almost all the time and a couple of years he travelled a lot for business (we have a family and he wanted to go abroad with his cousin) so he wasn't there a lot and I was raised mostly by my mother who is a very kind respectful woman and would almost always do anything for anyone. My older brother was in a school in another city from 16-18 (25 now) and went to study abroad for a year (that didn't workout unfortunately). So yeah in my younger years I was mostly raised by my mom and I guess I developed a bit of her attitude. But I also relate to my dad a lot, not much to my other brothers because they are more extroverted and intense.

Our family is Muslim and my parents have always been religious, not very strict tho but they would teach me to pray and to read Quran and to repsect other people. In my teenage years my best friend stopped believing in God and I would try to give him reasons to believe which is ironic since he turned me into an atheist too. During that I did many wrong things but I still had my ethics of being respectful to other people. People would sometimes annoy me or hurt me and would rarely say anything, it is less with close people but yeah basically I would sometimes give people what they want and avoid conflict. But in the inside I would be in pain and would rather not do this, I was not sure if it came from feelings or my logic that in order to survive I need to develop relationships with people but I wasn't much into making lots of friends, I just always wanted to be popular and be one of the "cool kids" at school, get a girlfriends, be charsimatic and I did most of it the wrong way because I thought that being really nice is gonna get me there but why do assholes become popular but me who is nice to everyone not attractive to anyone. I understood this late. I wouldn't be confident to approach people and make relationships with, I would talk as little as possible in group situations.

Anyway I am now out of school, and I am working with my family, and preparing for college. Recently I spent a day with my religious cousin and it went great, everything he said made sense and I prayed with him that day, I guess me coming back to religion like this is great. I am not really into religion now, but I try, I pray and I try to drift away from my bad habits. I hope one day I actually believe that I would never look back again and actually have faith, for now, I try.

1. What do you do as a job or as a career (if you have one)? Do you like it? Why or why not

As I said, I work with my family for now, it's really hard for me to go find a job and work for a stranger, work by their rules and know no one there for a couple of days until I make some friends. But my family have a good job, it's practical and although sometimes boring but I like the people. Also since my family owns this I can kinda break some rules like, being late or using my phone and listening to music all the time, even tho sometimes they would tell me to try and go early and use my phone less because this makes me finish late (I work until I finish my job not for certain hours). So I started doing that because it does make me late, but I still listen to music while working and try to come earlier than I used to.

My family business is basically a middle eastern sweets store, I worked before as a cashier you can say. But for a couple of months now I started working in the kitchen where we make stuff, it was boring at first and I never really liked our business but I accepted reality and started learning, and I am actually good at it. I started doing some foods and I started slow of course, I was lazy and not much into it but I had to work and not sit around all day. Although I wouldn't mind that. I'd probably play video games and watch TV shows all day but that's an unhealthy life style.

1. If you had to spend an entire weekend by yourself, how would you feel? Would you feel lonely or refreshed?

If I had to spend an entire weekend by myself I wouldn't really mind it. I am kinda a home person and a couple of days wouldn't hurt and like I said I would spend it binging shows and playing video games. If I do get bored maybe I'd read a book, go on reddit and enjoy some memes and posts. A weeked of rest would relax me and help me refresh I guess. Although long times without talking to anyone is kinda boring and longer times alone make me wanna talk to someone, have some laughs and discussions.

1. What kind of activities do you prefer? Do you like, and are you good at sports? Do you enjoy any other outdoor or indoor activities?

I tried many activities in my life, swimming, basketball, soccer, karate, kickboxing and tennis. Other hobbies I had are playing guitar and drawing. I also like playing video games with friends, wouldn't mind playing alone sometimes but wouldn't spend hours playing video games if it wasn't with friends. I always loved watching TV shows and I still do to this day, everytime I say I should cut on watching shows and focus on more important things and being productive there goes Netflix and drops an another great TV show to binge.

When it comes to sports like I said I joined many sports, none of them I still do for now tho. I can swim but rarely do it. Used to play some basketball with my friends but wasn't really good at it because people expect a tall guy like me who's 6'2 to be good playing basketball, but that wasn't the case for me unlike my 2 brothers who are interested in it and my older brother who played with a team and was one of the best players until he had an injury which is sad because he loved basketball. I played some soccer in middle school and was good as a goalkeeper because I was tall and fast, but then I got bored and tried different positions but wasn't really better than other people at them who played soccer, then stopped playing soccer cause I got bored. I joined Karate and Kickboxing because they seemed badass and always wanted to be able to protect myself but I didn't last long at these 2 and I didn't really wanna harm and piss off others. Tennis was good but I did get bored or it was too much for me becuase I have always been kinda lazy.

I stopped doing guitar and drawing although I always wanted to pickup those hobbbies again but other lazy habits pulled me away from them and I still do wanna pick them up again but I have been to busy lately with the job and preparing for college and working out which has been an interest for me lately, I am starting to lost interest but it feels good to be strong and see those muscles so I'll try to last as long as possible and keep pushing myself and to not be a quitter any more.

I haven't played any video games for about 3 months now, I wish I could have the free time to do that but instead I would rather watch tv shows duting my free time.

1. How curious are you? Do you have more ideas than you can execute? What are your curiosities about? What are your ideas about - is it environmental or conceptual, and can you please elaborate?

I would say I am pretty curious, I have a random memory and sometimes would go from 1 subject to the other and I would wonder about things and if I can't make up my mind about them I would ask someone who is most likely to know about the subject, like a parent, a sibiling or a friend and then try to keep that in mind for future discussions because I love sharing things I know and learn with people who are interested in what I know. Many times someone would give me advice about a workout for example and I wouldn't always listen to them, I would rather look up what they said on the internet and if it's true I would start to truet them a little bit with their information but if it isn't I'd look up everything they say or ask someone else.

My ideas like I said are random, and I would think of anything and look into it, I would think of different subjects without knowing what it really is but if I ask someone about it and they would go into so much detial and would fucking tell me the whole encyclopedia of the subject that I am not really interested in but I just had this question I would lose my interest and not pay attention much to what they are saying.

When I am at work I can't wait to go home and watch my shows or relax and then I would think of my show and would sometimes start thinking about what I am gonna watch next and what are the possiblities and options and on and on.

1. Would you enjoy taking on a leadership position? Do you think you would be good at it? What would your leadership style be?

I am not really a leader. At work, even tho I am one of the family, I find it hard to boss people around, tell them what to do and be serious all the time. But sometimes if I am in a group and I get to be the leader and that's if no one is up to being the leader I would be a democratic leader, it is hard for me to make decisions so I would have discussions in the group and see what most agree on and do that. Which is why I can't really be a boss but maybe a little bit a leader.

1. Are you coordonated? Why do you feel as if you are or are not? Do you enjoy working with your hands in some form? Describe your activity.

I think I am, I can pat my head and rub my stomach at the same time. Ok bad joke. Anyway, I am good at working with my hands, when there is something to put together, like a table or a chair etc. I am the one they go for, I guess other are good at this too but not a lot have the patience for it tho.

When I first started at work (which like I said is very practical, and I work with my hands) I wasn't very good and I was slow, but my main focus was to do my job better, I never aim for being perfect, I just aim for being good enough. In time I became faster and better, and I am good at my job and they tell me that I am doing great, my work isn't perfect still but it still acceptable, I have areas where I can improve but I would say I am doing my job better than other people which a lot of people told me so, so I keep on doing my job and that's it.

I don't if this helps but as a kid I was the worst at riding a bycicle, everyone was better than me, I could drive a bycicle just fine but I fell of bicycles a lot only because I looked back, the floor was slippery or was going fast on a hill. I know many people who drive a motorcycle and I am afraid to ride one, if I could drive I would because I trust my self not to go full risky mode on, but I would never ride behind someone.

1. Are you artistic? If yes, describe your art? If you are not particular artistic but can appreciate art please like wise describe what forums of art you enjoy. Please explain your answer.

As I mentioned, I used to draw and play guitar which both I was ok at, I didn't work on them enough to say I was really good at them or consider myself talented. I always wanted to pick up those hobbies again but found myself going back to being lazy, playing video games and watching tv show.

I've always liked singing but I don't really have a good voice and I am not even sure if I could sing. I listen to music whenever I am not doing anything where I shouldn't listen to music, like watching a tv show, socializing, sometimes reading depends on what I am reading and sleeping.

I really appreciate well written movies or tv shows and when I meet someone who paints or skitches and I usually really like them and wonder why I stopped drawing and being competetive like I used to when I was a kid and wanted to be better than everyone with everything, I still do that but instead of improving my skills I say fuck it and forget it about it now.

I listen to lots of music but mostly rock and hip-hop, some favorites of mine are Twenty One Pilots, Eminem, Imagine Dragons, Kendrick Lamar and more.

1. What's your opinion about the past, present, and future? How do you deal with them?

Starting with the past, I don't really recall much and I am not someone who remembers everything easily to the exact details, I would forget names but I'd remember faces. Most of my memories are ones were situations that scared me, I was worried about something or when something really hurt me and some regrets here and there but most of the times I try to forget those because what really matters is what I do now to improve my future. The only thing I try to take from my past is what I learnt from it, I don't really remember everything I read or hear but if I do that is probably important knowledge, but I had many times where I would argue with someone and I would forget the details and just stand there trying to explain and recall or just act as if I am convinced and move on.

As for the present, I am also not someone who is really connected to the present and I am not aware of everything, I am a careful person but I am not someone who pays so much attention to the details that are around me. I try to do things that I enjoy now but I also try do my best to have a better future, like making money, studying or improving my skills.

Lastly, the future, I would most of my thoughts are in the futur than the ones where I think about the past. 1 minute I would think what am I gonna do next, then on how my conversation with this someone is gonna go, what should I say and what should I not, what am I gonna watch today, what are my workouts today, am I excited or not that much and etc. Even tho I sometimes plan for future but all of this happens in my head and sometimes I'd forget, I'd plan and if I remember what I had planned I'd do it, if not I'd do anything else I feel like doing in the moment or even plan for upcoming things. I sometimes worry about the future but then I'd eventually wake myself up and not go deep. I would always imagine myself in different situations, what happens if I do this or that, if I could do this or that, if I start waking up early or if I could finish all the shows that are on my list and a lot more.

1. How do you act when others request your help to do something (anything)? If you would decide to help them, why would you do so?

Usually I am ok with helping people, but I hate when people use me. Some people would ask me for help because they say I am good at something and that makes me feel useful. I hate when people ask for help and they know I am busy and would keep nagging, especially at work.

So yeah, I wouldn't mind helping people as long as they don't annoy me doing it.

1. Do you need logical consistency in your life?

Often yes I do, I don't mind things being silly and stupid from time to time, I think some people might see me as silly or I would say something that is stupid but I am just trying to make sense of everything around me in my head. And I do sometimes catch myself saying stupid things that after I say them I realize how stupid they were.

I am not sure I really answered this question here, if I did not, I hope other things I wrote make up for it.

1. How important is efficiency and productivity to you?

I like it when people are efficint and productive but sometimes I am not one of those people which makes me hate that I am not always one. I try to become more productive in my daily life but that rarely happens and doesn't always last long, at work tho I'd still be lazy but often I do what is needed and what people want and that's because I saw people who are not good at their jobs and I don't wanna be one of those people so I try to be efficint as much as I can.

1. Do you control others, even if indirectly? How and why do you do that?

I wouldn't say I control others, I hate making demands and telling people what to do like I own them. At work, even tho I am part of the family and I should act more serious but I am still 19 years old, I wouldn't really know how to run a business, so I am always friendly with everyone, at work and outside work, I guess I got that from both my mom and my dad, both are friendly but in a different way. I hate controling people because I hate people controling me, I would rather help people make the right choice.

1. What are your hobbies? Why do you like them?

So I guess I mentiones all of them so far but if you forgot, my corrent hobbies are, watching tv shows, sometimes going to the gym, depends on the mood, and that's basically it, although I would be playing video games if I wasn't so busy studying, working and watching tv shows in my free time. I wouldn't mind going out with my friends from time to time but I don't even do it weekly, also depends on the mood and my plans. I like reading articles on the internet, reddit is my only social media I guess besides whatsapp. I like reading books too but there is currently no book that has grabbed my attention.

1. What is your learning style? What kind of environments do you struggle with most? Why so you like/struggle with these lesrning styles? Do you prefer classes involving memorization, logic, creativity, or your physical senses?

In school I wasn't very good in languages, history or any other subject that required memorization, although I like English and that's because ever since I started playing video games, most of them depended on me learning English, so I did but that wasn't enough, I started enjoying tv and movies which also improved my English, it's not great of course but I don't think I'd mind studying English in college.

What I was good at tho, is math and I would always get high grads even with minimal studying, I just would understand numbers and theories better than words or a lot of memorization. Our tests, unlike the ones in USA, had lots of writing, not only circling the right answer which I almost always sucked at.

I was always good at puzzles and would be good at finding patterns, I had challenging puzzles that I couldn't solve but would spend all day trying to figure them out.

I am honestly not sure if I am very creative, my creativity is something that I don't really use often but my mom keeps telling me I was always creative.

I am really good at working with my hands, not at first, I would suck at the beginning, I have seen people nail things the first time way better than me but after practicing and improving I would become one of the best at anything.

1. How good are you at strategizing? Do you easily break up projects into manageable tasks? Or do you have a tendency to wing projects and improvise as you go?

I would say I am really good at strategizing, when I am at work, I would go through everything I am gonna do in my head in order to get through it without lots of thinking on the way, doesn't always go according to plan but I am fine with that and changing plans in the middle. So basically I am good at both strategizing and improvising if my strategies don't always go right, but I kinda always strategize in my head, be it work or a discussion with someone.

1. What are your aspirations in life, professionally and personally?

I always wanted to have a job where I am happy, and be relaxed mentally, doesn't matter if the job is tiring physically or not but as long I am happy and make enough moeny I am good. A while ago I wanted to become a millionaire or a billionaire hopefully, but then I thought about it, is being a millionaire really my goal? I am not someone who spends lots of money, although I like seeing my money growing, being a millionaire isn't really a goal for me, I wouldn't mind becoming a millionaire but that shouldn't really be my goal and I should instead focus on doing what I am good at doing and what makes me happy.

I would like to always have my family around, friends change all the time, but I only have one family and I always hope, even tho sometimes we have our problems but as long as I know they are there for me and I am there for them, I am happy. I always thought I am ok leaving family behind and moving somewhere else and being independent, but it isn't that easy, although a day will come where I have to do that and I should learn to cope with it and learn how to be independent, I hate taking money from people, even my parents, which is why I like being independent and spending my own money on myself.

I wanna someday find the right girl for me, and love each other always, get married maybe but I wouldn't do it young and waste my life, so I am willing to wait. I sometimes think having kids is hard and would create problems but at the same time I've always wanted to raise my kid like I have never been raised before, teach him what I know and what I don't know, a dad is never sad that his son grows up to be better than him. I would say having a maximum of 2 or 3 kids is enough, but I'll be thankful to anything.

1. What are your fears? What makes you uncomfortable? What do you hate? Why?

I have many fears, heights, some bugs (not really afraid of them but they gross me, fear of them being at me), some animals, physical pain, can't even pull out a tooth without being afraid of pain. But these are fears that are not that bad, I will porbably get over as I get older.

I fear that I am never gonna get what I want, I fear I am gonna lose someone, there is a lot of things that shouldn't come to my mind, but they do, and they worry me a lot.

I am uncomfortable talking in a group or being in the spotlight, usually prefer 1 on 1 conversations. I am uncomfortable in conflicts, can't stand someone being angry at me or hating me.

I hate when I keep my mouth shut in situations where I shouldn't. I hate some traits I have, like being fearful or not being charismatic enough. I hate that I fear confronting people because then I might say the wrong thing and they will leave me. I hate when people belittle me or let me down. There is too much.

1. What do the "highs" in your life look like?

I feel great when I do nothing and it was worth it. When there is no negative energy and conflicts around me, just people making jokes, laughing and talking. I am happy when everyone around me is well and healthy. I am happy when I am worry free about the future and the past, I like fantasizing about the future, but I hate when bad things come to my mind that haven't happened yet and will probably never happen.

I am happy not being annoyed all the time. I am happy when no one talks to me in my free time if I am not really in the mood or if I am actually busy.

1. What do the "lows" in your life look like?

Pretty much the opposite of what I wrote in the previous question.

There has been moments where I was actually depressed like when I failed a language test 3 times and I was studying abroad with my family sending me money and I felt like I am wasting my time, I felt like I was letting down myself and my family at the same time. My family didn't know that I was missing classes, smoking weed and overall just wasting that money. It was fun times, I had a good experience, but I wasted valuable time and I am never gonna get that. What I hated the most is that I stopped going to school and kept doing my shit because I was depressed, I was with a friend and we really had some fun together but looking back, I don't wanna say I regret what I did, I regret what I didn't do.

That was a pretty big low in my life so far, but pain makes me stronger, and knowing what I did makes me keep trying and never giving up. Something I am doing now is actually going to the gym, I always wanted to feel good and look good and be respected, at 1st I was excited, then I started gettinf bored but I told myself I am never giving up on my dreams and I am gonna work my hardest to acheive them.

1. How attached are you to reality? Do you daydream often, or do you pay attention to what's around you? If you do daydream, are you aware of your surroundings while you do so?

Yeah I would say I daydream a lot but I am not sure if I do it for long periods of time or short ones because I am aware that I am daydreaming sometimes or someone/something else gets my attention instead.

I am someone who likes reflecting on things, be it realistic or idealistic things. I may get lost in thoughts in theories about TV shows or actual real things, reflecting on the future and on possiblities. I also may get lost in strategizing about a practical thing that I need to do or I am going to do. I would plan almost my whole day just in my head and for example if I have a workout that day I would then think about what is my workout for today etc. (This happens on almost everything but that's the example that come up in my mind).

I am not always aware of my surroundings when I do that, sometimes people have to call my name twice or repeat what they said for me to actually understand what they did. Most of the time this happens is because I have my earbuds and music on at work, I only put 1 ear so I keep the other for listening but music gets me lost in thoughts that I sometimes even forget what I was listening to.

1. Imagine you are alone in a blank, empty room. There is nothing for you to do and no one to talk to. What do you think about?

Probably sleep most of time, and when I can't sleep I'd probably just think about different things, maybe I'll even understand myself better, get my thoughts and feelings together, reflect on things like I said.

Or probably just go insane if it's for a long time.

1. How long do you take to make important decisions? And do you change your mind once you have made it?

It depends, there are important decisions and there are not so important decisions, these are ones that I'd probably go with whatever but the big ones are different. For example, choosing a major, I am getting ready for college studying for a test called Psychometric (SATs lookalike) and the higher grades the betrer majors I can apply to ofc. Even tho I am doing this, I don't have a grade in mind, mostly I'd be really happy if I get a minimum of 700 (out of 800). The reason that I do not have a grade in mind is because I have no idea what I am going to major in, there are a lot of options and I consider myself a jack of all trades, I never had a hobby that lasted for long with me, there is always something else that gets my attention.

Which brings us to changing my mind after decisions, I consider choosing a major a big decision, for some it isn't, but I don't wanna be one of those people that major in anything and they switch after they get bored, and I do that a lot, but I don't wanna do that when it comes to college, my sister switched majors a lot and I can see she is a pain for my parents and for herself.

I was told by many that every couple weeks I dream of being something else, one day I wanna be a lawyer, another a carpenter, a business man, an investor, do retail, an accountant and a lot more. Many people hated that about me but I didn't really mind it until lately, it's like, can't I make up my mind already. This major's degree is good, no this one I like but there aren't much jobs for, but then one pays a lot, and you get the point.

1. How long do you take to process your emotions? How important are emotions in your life?

I am sitting here and thinking, what do they mean by emotions, I do get jealous, I get sad, angry, happy, excited etc. The jealousy thing is because I have always wanted to be special, I realized as I get older that I am not but I wanna be the best I can, and it's hard, not until lately that I told myself that I don't have to get jealous, I am handsome, smart and nice (that's what my mom told me, you can't take that away from me). I get sad when I fuck up and I let myself down, I am sad when I am ignored, but being sad is not something that I feel often.

If you ask people that know who they think is the calmest person, I think it would be me, I rarely get angry, I mean I do like a normal person, but my anger progresses less than other people's. I keep my anger inside but too much and I might explode, I did a couple of times but I don't remember being really angry, shouting and fighting, I cool off quick, I get angry when someone controls me or sees me as a pushpover (been bullied a couple of time but since I thought of myself as weak, didn't do anything about me) I have been standing up for myself lately but haven't had a problem as big since I got bullied in middle school, still hurts, but it's the past.

1. Do you ever catch yourself agreeing with others just to appease them and keep the conversation going? How often? Why?

If I wanted to keep the conversation going, I would argue and discuss. If I didn't want to listen to what they are saying or didn't want it to rise into conflict or fighting, yes, then I would agree with people. I am an open minded person, I listen to everyone's points of view and decide which makes the most sense, if I can't then I would ask google or an expert.

So yeah I agree with people when what I really mean is yeah, I am not really interested in our talk anymore.

1. Do you break rules often? Do you think authority should be challenged, or that they know better? If you do break rules, why?

Well, not always. When at work, they keep telling me to put my phone away or at least don't put music and my earbuds in so I can hear what people are telling me, but tbh honest, my job doesn't really rely on listening all the time and talking to people, so this doesn't make sense to me and I do it anyway.

So yeah, I break rules but not all rules, if I am in danger or if I am getting punished then I wouldn't break any rules, if the rules don't make sense and don't put me in problems then yeah I'd break rules.

Submitted February 06, 2019 at 09:44AM by p4ls0l http://bit.ly/2WKFYfB