(Sorry for it being so long. Also sorry for the bad formatting, I'm on mobile. His hygiene story is paragraph 3 if you want to get into it right away.)
I love my boyfriend, I can say that proudly. We've been dating over a year. He's a huge help in my life, he supports me mentally and encourages me to pursue my art hobby deeper. I take counseling for anxiety and depression, he's very supportive of it and encourages me to go, knowing that it really does help me. He's very understanding and I love that about him. I feel comfortable talking to him about everything and him likewise with me. We communicate about everything nicely and never really have huge arguments.
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The only kicker is that I'm losing interest in him physically. Some background: I'm not that aroused easily or often, never really was. I also struggling getting myself off, my counselor said it's natural for my age with big plans from stress and not to overthink it, so I don't, but I believe it plays a factor into this situation. But I still get strong sexual urges every so often, it's maybe happened 4 major times in our relationship. Previously, in the single life, I would just call someone up and they'd help me get off and it was great and dandy. Obviously, I can't do that anymore. Sadly and proudly say, I've passed up several flings for my boyfriend. Now the present times, 2 of the 4 times, my boyfriend was there... Though I stopped early both times before anything major had happened. He was really nervous and the first time, shaking a lot. So I stopped early and said I couldn't go on with it because he was extremely nervous and it made me feel...just wrong for continuing. The other 2 major times, I never brought it up to him. I just couldn't find myself to even bother to tell him.
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Here's why: his... hygiene is bad. At first I could look passed it because woohoo, early relationship phase! But it's just... so gross. I clean my room at least weekly, he...doesn't. The first time I demanded him to clean his room, he found FOUR EMPTY DEODORANTS in his cubby that he was hoarding... as well as so many average boxes. I understand like high quality equipment boxes but you dont need to keep your empty amazon boxes dude... He likes to "keep things in case he needs them later for some reason." His desk is always a mess and his cubbies are always stuffed with random crap. I have to tell him to clean his room or else he forgets to do it entirely. It's like a swamp. Whenever he's done eating in his room, he'll start a stack of plates on his floor right next to his desk. His friends know that he'll listen to me when I tell him to clean his room, so now whenever they're coming over, they'll shoot me a text to me to tell him to clean his room. Before, he'd just leave his room a mess and "tidy" up by shoving more things into his cubbies (but leave his stack of 17 plates on the floor.) It's super embarrassing. That's just his room. He used to shower irregularly? I have to tell him to shower, even then he puts off for 2 or 3 more hours after I tell him to. He's now on at least a 3 day interval of showering if he doesn't work. Before with work, he'd come home, he'd go immediately to his desk and play video games. Which I'm not upset about him playing video games, it upsets me because he sits there for HOURS in his sweaty and gross work clothes from him 7-8 hour shift. It's GROSS. I have to get on him to take a shower when he gets home ASAP. I'm not against facial hair, but my boy looks like a mexican teenager who had just hit puberty and his first mustache is growing in...but it's like that every time. He can't grow a beard or a mustache, but he still is too lazy to shave it. (He's been dinged at his work for it as well.) So again, I have to tell him to shave his face. If he doesn't shave, I don't allow him to facetime me during our study times. I've stopped kissing him as well because his breath stinks a majority of the time. He gets checkups at the dentist and we don't know what it is. I'd like to think he brushes his teeth daily but it's hard to know because I don't live with him. He's buys himself a several packs of gum that he carries on him and snacks at when he's with me to kiss me.
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I'm tired of it. I feel like his mom. She has also tried cracking down on this as well. But she's a nurse with a nurse schedule, so their times meeting up doesn't always happen. We HAVE talked about it and he is...better for the most part. No more than 3 days of not showering if there's no work. Showering right away when he gets home, sure he can relax in his nasty work clothes but trust me baby, you'll feel a lot better and more relaxed after a hot shower. I try to get him to clean his room at least bi weekly... it's the best we could've compromised concerning his room. I know he's trying his best and we do try to push through it. But this seriously has cut my physical attraction to him in half and half again. Our sexual life is in the gutters and it does make me upset. Before, I even thought of breaking up with him because of this whole ordeal...it was really that bad. I come from a Hispanic household, so we clean our house every weekend and shower really regularly and take care of ourselves.. even all the way down to our nails. His mom is very clean and his dad is a little less organized because he works from home... I just don't know what happened to him. Why he is the way he is about his hygiene.
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I'd kind of like some advice on how to approach this to him? He knows the situation and why I've stopped being sexual with him. But I don't know where to continue with this.. I'm seriously at my wits end on this. I hate having to crack down on this but I know if I stopped, he'd go back to his regular ways.
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TLDR: I have a great boyfriend who supports me through everything: mentally and career wise. He has really bad hygiene and cleanliness that has made me lose sexual attraction towards him over the months. Need advice on how to continue this relationship?
Submitted January 25, 2019 at 07:37AM by NoMorePlaza http://bit.ly/2TcMU2X
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