Ajit Is Gay

One stormy night, two villainous bastards named Donald Trump and Ajit FuckFace decided to elope with 69 Verizon Investors overseas in China. They decided that they wanted Pornhub all to themselves, but to save face ended up blocking the entire internet for the general public. Outcry was heard, citizens raged with anger and fear of their rights being stripped away; they could feel the age of consent slowly dropping. This however, only made Ajit and Trump hornier, and they began to have internet sex with Kim Jong Un over in North Korea, asking for his ideas regarding martial law and unconstitutionality. He encouraged them to dissemble net neutrality, and helped them forge a satanic group of cultists known as the FCC (Federal Congressmen who are Cunts). This near-unstoppable federation trampled over the rotting bodies of the working class, laughing all the way, parading around inside carriages of solid gold while they bent over with their thumbs up their asses. With the money they made from blocking every internet site except for WikiHow, they constructed a fortress made from solidified foreigner blood, where they held furry dress-up parties and played games such as "pin the microtransactions on the consumer", or their personal favorite, "let's fuck shit up because we have authoritative control over this country". ...

Eventually there came to be a righteous hero, by the name of Joseph Hernandez. He identified with those affected by net neutrality, as he'd been a victim of it himself. His youtube channel, Joey'sWorldTour (go subscribe if you haven't already or else you're a cunt), had been an inspiration to the fat fucks of America who didn't have to pay to watch a grown man make money off of eating food in his car and screaming into a camera. He spotted the FCC cuntbags having sex at the top of the fortress and cried, "WoOooWoOoWoOo!!" He stormed the front gates, eating his way through the walls of blood-his diet was lacking adequate amounts of Iron anyway-and proceeded to eliminate the guards who were keeping him from reaching into the asses of the wealthy and ripping out some common sense. Joseph, or Joey, was quickly surrounded, and with nowhere left to turn, he summoned all of his might, and began channeling a hidden art, passed down from masters of ancient descent; with a flash and in a frenzy, Joey clenched his butt cheeks and extracted chemical warheads from his naval cavity, launched them at the nearest guards, and made a break for the elevator. However, Joey was a big guy (for you), and he could only make it about 10 feet before he had to stop and rest from the exercise. He pleaded with the guards, "Oh, have pity on a man such as I, for I cannot move with such vigor as I had in my youth! Will you not open your eyes, not your hearts, nor your minds? Give a man such as I an honorable means of securing myself success in my plunders." The guards were moved from such valiant prose, and they were taken aback by Joey's words; they questioned whether they were abiding by the corrupt, rather than by the righteous. A commander of one squadron soon stepped forward from the crowd, carrying sword and shield (with crest labelled "Report of the Week"). He confronted Joey, and tears streamed from his eyes as he shuddered, "I have heard you, comrade, and I see now more clearly than ever I have before. Let us band together, hand in hand, and confront the FFC cunts with a united front." He reached out a firm hand to the hero, "What do you say, brother?" But the commander soon realized his mistake. With swiftness like a daydreaming hippopotamus, Joey grabbed the commander by the neck and slammed him into the ground neck-first, using his immense weight as leverage to instantaneously kill his adversary. With rage Joey bellowed, "EAT SHIT", and made a mad dash for the elevator once more. The crowd was paralyzed with shock, giving our hero the vital time he needed to get a running start towards the elevator. Once freed from their peculiar awe, the crowd screamed agony and vengeance against he who murdered their commander in cold blood. They raced after the fleeting hero, who had barely made it up two stairs, throwing pointed knives and blunt clubs. Joey nearly shit his pants when he realized what he had done; he'd forgotten to take his hour-long shit after having third breakfast this morning. He looked around for a bathroom, when suddenly, he saw the crowd of soldiers barrelling towards him and he remembered that he had killed the former host of Report of the Week only 20 seconds before. He dashed towards the elevator, with the crowd not far behind, bouncing and flopping. And somehow, by grace of some strange miracle, he'd only been hit by 90% of the objects thrown at him! One archer in the back fired a ballista straight into our hero's ass and caused Joey's anal cavity to gape, and he relieved himself in the midst of the havoc! His shit had been so digested that it coated the floor in a layer of frictionless slime, stalling his enemies in their tracks. Now relieved of the weight of 7 digested super meat nacho platters from his favorite run-down taco stand, Joey gained speed as well, and arrived inside the elevator with his enemies only a handful of yards away from the doors. Now inside the elevator, Joey pressed all of the buttons on the panel, because his alzheimers causes him to lose focus in crisis situations. However, he remained courteous towards his pursuers and mooned them on the way up the elevator shaft. At this time, our hero had reached the 69th floor (out of 1000 total floors). Having begun to regret his decision to press all of the buttons at once, Joey began to calm his nerves, emptied his mind, began meditation, and snacked on a twinkie he kept stashed away in his dirty armpit for just such an occasion. He unwrapped the twinkie, which had long since passed its expiration date, and proceeded to split the atoms of the twinkie, absorbing the nuclear energy into his dirty finger nails, and shoving the nuclei into every available orafice in his body, until every last nick, cranny, hole and pore was filled with the signature Hostess™ snack. …

Weeks passed, and at long last, our valiant saviour had reached the summit of the fortress. He donned the ninja outfit which he'd stolen from floor 666, and with the stealthiness of a drunken prostitute, infiltrated the lounge where the executives had been enjoying an endless fursuit sex party. Without a spoken word, he used his unclipped fingernails to decapitate one of the Verizon investors. The executives screamed in terror, as their fursuit fuckbuddy's headless corpse dropped to the ground without a sound. Joey hacked the loudspeaker system prior to infiltrating the penthouse floor, and the sirens wailed as Moonman's signature Whiteopia album played during Joey's onslaught. With complete ease, he crushed his next victim under his big toe, penetrating their skin and sending lethal fungi, which had been living in his unwashed fingernails, into their bloodstream, and they were quickly engulfed in a mass of mold; they died within seconds. All the while, he sang along with the tune, "I put niggers underground without a sound. You minorities can't step up to me." He dealt with the fursuit-fucking, limp-cock sucking, money-cucking bourgie fucks as easily as he dealt with his breakfasts-he had at least seven daily-until naught but Ajit and his transgender wife, the CEO of Comcast remained. With great fury, Joey grabbed them both by the neck and strung them to the primary flagpole of the fortress, and squat atop the pole. With a cry of victory he screamed, "WooOoowOooWOooWooO!!" The World in its entirety rejoiced, and Joey was hailed as the hero of Net Neutrality, ensuring that shitposts would remain free of charge, and created a new Constitution which stated that all memes, maymays, and mems would be treated as unalienable human rights. Joey soon after died of hepatitis a, b, and c, diabetes, heart cancer, lung cancer, ass cancer, dementia, athlete's foot, anal fissures, and anemia. His legend would spread across nations, and those who fear his name shall be recognized as followers of this almighty wasabi warrior, and granted access to the afterlife in Nutellarmageddon.

The End.

Submitted January 28, 2019 at 09:47PM by KingInfernos http://bit.ly/2UospjT