Author note: Check out the first released Secret Character for Secret Character Month! Patrons only, until they appear in a future part, then they will be free for everyone to see!
https://www.patreon.com/posts/secret-character-23362416
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I arrive in the body of a massive Titan, one who, even while seated on a throne, towers over a court filled with others of his species. To my right sits a Titaness dressed in plain grey robes. A twenty-foot-tall Titan bows at my feet.
"It is with great displeasure, King Zeus, that I bring news of your brother's passing. I, Ferris of the Atlanteans, have arrived to tell you that Poseidon fell in battle against an unknown adversary."
My host, Zeus, squeezes his marble throne with incredible force, shattering the beautiful stonework on its arms. The minerals compressed in his palm release a violent crack in the air that makes everyone present wince.
"My brother... dead? Who. Who killed him?"
Zeus's voice rumbles around the room like thunder, bouncing off the reinforced granite walls ten times before fading. Despite forcing calmness into his voice, every word boils with fire and brimstone.
Ferris rises to his full height. He stands barely at my chest's height and puts on an apologetic expression. "I am sorry, my liege. We do not know. We suspect his murderer was a demon, but..."
"A demon."
Zeus narrows his eyes. Ice creeps into his voice.
"You expect me to believe... my little brother... fell at the hands of a filthy bloodskin?"
Ferris pales. He glances to my left, where Hercules leans against the side of my throne. The last time I saw Hercules, he stood a few feet shorter than Gabriel, but compared to Zeus, he appears minuscule. He barely reaches the top of my knee.
"We are doing out best to find his killer, your grace. However, no Titans witnessed his death, nor did any angels. His head was... it was... crushed into pulp. We could scarcely identify him. Were it not for his Atlantean armor; we might have assumed he was one of the surface-dwelling Titans."
Zeus inhales sharply. "The only demon who could kill my brother would be Valac. However... never in all the years since his arrival has he done performed an act as barbaric as crushing a Titan's head. No... such an action..."
We turn our gaze toward Hercules. The young Titan stares at us. A look of smoldering anger burns beneath his surface.
"Aye, father. How could we forget? Megara perished similarly. I thought I had moved past her death... but now..."
Zeus reaches down and lays a hand on his diminutive son's shoulder. Only three of his fingers manage to rest comfortably. "Satan the Devil. Raphael told us that bastard died, long ago. He must have returned, somehow."
Hercules balls his hands into fists. "That red rat. First, my wife. Now, my uncle. I... I wish... to tear him limb from limb..."
Zeus nods. He pulls away from his son, pushes against the arms of his throne, and lifts himself into a standing position. Even at his full height, his head comes nowhere close to touching the ceiling. It appears to have been carved out for and by far more massive ancient beings.
Behind me, Zeus's wife touches our hand. "My love. Don't be brash. Our numbers are insufficient to mount an attack against demonkind."
"I know, Hera," Zeus mutters. He sweeps his gaze across the fifty other warriors in the room, each one wearing little more than rags to cover their private bits, be they male or female. "We've suffered too many losses since the demons first appeared. Now, of those among my generation, only my wife and I remain. Poseidon was my last remaining brother. Demeter, Hestia, Chiron... all of them, dead. All fell at the hands of the Grim Reaper and his minions."
Slowly, deliberately, Zeus turns and reaches toward two straight, narrow poles resting against his throne. Each iron implement bears no distinctive markings. They are weapons, crafted entirely for function; not to look pretty. Taking one in each hand, Zeus exhales. A sensation of energy courses from the tips of his ears down to his weapons. Sparks of electricity crackle against the rods, warming them to the touch.
"We cannot live in fear of these bloodskins anymore. We cannot hide in our halls of dirt and stone. We must take the battle to them. We must remind them why the angels once feared us more than death itself. Valac thinks himself an unstoppable killing machine. His forces choke the Earth and wipe out all life in their path. If we do not mount a full resistance now, we may not manage such a feat in the future."
Hera pulls away. She maintains a calm expression, but beneath the surface, I notice twinges of emotion threatening to bubble up. "If we attack the demons, Valac may claim more lives than ever before. We won't be able to protect ourselves in an open battlefield. You know as well as I the long reach of his scythe."
Zeus's expression darkens. He lowers his eyes to the rod in his right hand. "I'm not ordering a full attack. I will face the demons alone. I will test their strength myself. Long has it been since I battled on the frontlines. Long have I ached to right the wrongs the bloodskins exacted upon us."
Hercules balks. The young Titan tugs at my robe. "Father! You cannot go out there alone. If you fall, who will lead us? I am too young. The battle for the throne will devastate our ranks."
"If I fall..." Zeus mutters. He chuckles wryly. "Have you forgotten, son? I slew Cronus. I wiped his laziness from our ranks. It is my power that secured the right to his domain for all of us. Among the Titans living today, none are my equal. Valac knows this. That is why he has never dared to step foot inside my domain. Even now, the Reaper listens. His presence ripples through this chamber. He senses my anger; my rage. He hears my words, and deep inside those cracked bones... he trembles."
Zeus raises his eyes to look at the doorway.
"Valac. Satan. I owe both of you a blood debt. You've killed my brothers, my sisters, my children, and theirs as well. Your terror will not bind us any longer. I will come for you... and you will fall. Do you hear me, Grim Reaper?"
Zeus falls silent. Nobody in the room responds. However, the faintest shift in the air makes Zeus raise his chin.
"Did you feel it? Valac's presence stirred for but a moment. He heard my words."
"My love, don't go," Hera whispers. "I know you're a proud man, but even for you, this is reckless."
"I will come with you, father," Hercules says. "My strength may not equal yours, but I owe Satan in the same way you owe Valac. He murdered my wife. His harlot killed my sisters. Please, allow me to follow you into battle."
Zeus flicks his eyes down to his son. Despite Hercules' tiny stature compared to us, he appears to have grown substantially since the last time I saw him. In fact, he now stands several feet taller than Gabriel.
It takes several seconds of internal debate before Zeus finally nods. "Very well. You are the mightiest among your generation. I am proud to call you my son. Make sure to stand strong and show no fear in the face of death."
Hera jumps to her feet. "Zeus, no! Do not bring our son with you! Please, I beg you! I cannot stand the thought of losing my husband and son on the same day!"
Zeus turns to her. His expression softens. "Hera, do you believe in your heart of hearts the demons stand a chance... against my power? My speed?"
The Titaness frowns. "Well... no..."
"Then there is little reason to worry. No matter how numerous the enemy legions, their strength and combined might mean little in the face of an adversary they cannot strike. Not only will I prevail, but so will our son. Come, boy!"
Zeus turns away from Hera and strolls toward the door. Ferris, the Atlantean messenger, steps aside and bows deeply. "The Atlanteans give thanks to your display of courage and might."
As Hercules falls into step behind me, Zeus smirks.
"It takes little courage for a giant to crush an ant beneath his thumb."
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Satan and Bael stomp through the labyrinthine catacombs of Lucifer's lair. As they near the surface, Satan nudges Bael. "So, uh, I noticed you and a few other demons dropping the word 'hell' a bunch. What's up with that?"
Bael reaches up to shift aside the huge boulder leading to the lair. "Damn. You're more outta the loop than I thought. You don't know?"
"Nuh-uh," Satan replies. He watches as Bael lightly presses a finger to the boulder and flicks it aside, sending the one-ton rock skidding several dozen feet away. "Sounds like everyone's using it, though."
"Mhm. It's the name of Lucifer's Lair. We call this place Hell. It's a, uh... an aknuh... aknur..."
Bael pauses for several seconds. He stares at me, eyes glazed over.
"Akruh... fuck it. It's a word where the letters mean something else."
"An acronym?" Satan offers.
"Yeah, yeah! That!" Bael nods as relief washes over his face. "Stupid, bigass fuckin' words. Anyway, it means 'Hugely Evil Lucifer's Lair.' Pretty cool, right?"
Satan raises an eyebrow. "That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Who came up with it?"
Bael falters. "Err... well, I mean, uh..."
"Don't tell me it was you."
"Y-yeah... I thought it was good..."
Satan mentally facepalms. "No, no, it's better than I thought. I, err, had to think about it for a moment. Let's get moving, already."
Bael's stupid grin comes roaring back. "Awesome! Man, you had me worried for a second!" The big demon jumps up to the surface, and Satan follows by using his vectors to climb the five-foot wall.
A minute later, Bael shoves the boulder back into place and leans against it. His eyes swivel to stare out into the forest.
"What's the holdup?" Satan asks. "Let's get a move on."
"Gimme a minute," Bael mutters. "I hafta remember which way Valac's den is. That way? Nah... I don't remember a funny lookin' black tree..."
Satan's eyes glaze over. "Bael. All the trees are black."
"Uh-huh. Duh. What, do you think I'm stupid or somethin'?"
Satan purses his lips. "Perish the thought."
The Devil taps his feet as he waits for the nearly eight-foot-tall demon to slooowly scan the forest, looking for some landmark to identify the path to Valac's den.
"If you'd like, we can ask Lucifer for directions. I'm sure she'd know."
"Nah, nah, screw that," Bael says, waving my concerns away. "Pft. Askin' some broad for help. That'd be pathetic."
"I don't have all day," Satan replies. "If you don't know, I'd rather not waste time heading in the wrong direction."
"Just gimme a minute," Bael grunts. "It'll come to me. I bet it was northeast. That feels right."
"You're facing south."
"That's what I said."
"No. No it isn't."
Satan groans internally. Devil's sake. I love you, Bael. You're a great guy... but for the love of all that is unholy, you're the thickest demon I know.
A twig snaps in the distance. Satan's heart skips a beat. He whirls to face the noise. Bael doesn't bother.
"Who's there?"
From the shadows of the forest, where sunlight trickles through the canopy, several demonesses creep into view. A familiar woman leads the group, one I know well.
The raven-haired lady blinks in surprise when she sees me. "What? Satan?! Is that you?"
Satan's jaw drops. "Belial! Wow! You're alive, too! How about that?"
The succubus, dressed in a tigerskin bra and panties, skips over to me. She wraps her arms around Satan and squeals. "Oh my goodness! I can't believe it!! We thought you died! How are you here, now?!"
The dozen or so other female demons behind stare at us curiously, apparently unaware of Satan's identity. They probably weren't alive two thousand years ago.
Satan grins and squeezes Belial's ass. "Hot damn. You filled out while I was gone. Me'n Bael are trying to get to Valac's lair. I've been hoping to see Nerissa since I broke out of the Cosmic Realm."
Belial ignores Satan playing grabass. She seems used to random demon guys getting hands on. Pulling away, her smile turns somber. "Oh, Nerissa? Ahh... my little sister..."
"Something the matter?" Satan asks. "You 'n her not on speaking terms?"
"No... it's not that," Belial says. Her smile flattens out as she plays with a strand of long, black hair. "Well, maybe you haven't heard. Valac's leadership changed a lot of the demon men. Lucifer created her own group of demonesses, along with a few of the guys. The males started acting violently under Valac's direction. They got pushy, and rude, and um... well, I don't like to talk about it."
Belial fidgets noticeably.
"Ahm. I haven't seen Nerissa in several years. I don't like entering Valac's den. I don't even know if she's still alive."
Satan's jaw drops. "What?! No way. Even for Valac, that's low. Why don't you come with me 'n Bael? We'll protect ya. It ain't right that you haven't seen Nerissa in so long."
"I'm not afraid of the men, Satan," Belial says, flashing a shy smile. "I can beat them up pretty easily. I just don't like the way they look at me. Well, I suppose if they gang up on me like they did... erm..."
A pulse of red shoots through Satan's vision. "What happened? Tell me."
"It was a long time ago," Belial says. She glances at Bael.
I follow her gaze, and Bael nods. "I knocked some heads. That was back when Lucifer broke off and made her new group."
"If you're both tryin' to piss me off," Satan mutters, "then you're doin' a damn good job. I didn't know things were that bad. Devils. What happened while I was gone?"
"A lot," Belial replies. She doesn't elaborate.
Satan sucks air through his teeth. "Kss. Fine. You stay here, then. Mind at least pointing me 'n Bael in the right direction? This guy doesn't know his head from his ass."
Belial bites her lip. "You shouldn't go, Satan. Even if it's you... Valac's minions are incredibly powerful. He hates you with a burning passion. Everyone knows how angry he was that he didn't get to kill you himself. He always said the angels robbed him."
"Great. Looks like Valac's gonna get his chance. Which way is his den?"
Satan's blunt reply catches Belial off-guard. She wrings her hands together. "Well, it's south of here... much closer to Mount Olympus than it ought to be. You aren't seriously going there, are you? It's dangerous."
Satan reaches over and squeezes Belial's shoulder. "Don't worry about me, toots. Worry about Valac. That poor guy's days are numbered. Hehe."
Bael punches his palm. "Ohhh, right! South! I knew it was that way!"
"No, you didn't."
Bael shakes his head. "You got me."
Belial smiles sweetly. "Well, um, take care of yourself, Satan. I'm glad you're back! We need someone to take Valac down a peg or two."
Satan flashes a grin at the succubus. "Damn straight. We'll be back later. Thanks for the directions."
"Mhm!" Belial beams sunshine at me. Before we can turn away, the demoness leans forward and pecks Satan on the cheek. "Pass that on to Nerissa for me, will you?"
"I'll pass on a lot more than that," Satan says, licking his lips. "Peace."
...
Bael and I head out in the direction Belial indicated. As we walk, Bael nudges me. "Hey bub, she's lookin' pretty fine. If you become the leader of demonkind, why limit yourself to one broad? Get one for each arm. They're sisters, ya know."
Satan raises an eyebrow. "Not a bad idea. Dunno. I'm a one-girl-at-a-time kind of guy, though."
"Pft," Bael snorts. "Bitches can't keep their hands off me. I nail 'em five at a time. You oughta work harder on your sex drive."
"I'm too busy for that," Satan says with a shrug. His eyes darken. "Besides. I have bigger priorities. I owe a certain old man the beating of a lifetime."
Bael nods. "Raphael?"
"Yup. When I'm through with that flappy cunt, he'll beg for a dirt nap."
"Nice. I'll hold him down for ya. You give him the ol' one-two."
Satan slugs Bael in the shoulder. "You know how to make me smile."
.................................................................
Bael and Satan stomp through the blackened forest for hours upon hours. The dreary color scheme of the undergrowth, the barren treetops, and the incessant crunching of dead foliage beneath their feet combine to suck the life out of both demons the further they travel from Lucifer's Lair.
"Cripes. How much further?" Satan asks. Neither he nor Bael has said a word in over an hour.
"I dunno," Bael mutters. He pauses to take a long breath. "I don't remember it bein' this far before. Does it feel like there's a fuckin anvil sittin' on your skull, or izzat just me? I've got one hell of a headache."
Satan sticks his pinkie in his ear and wriggles, then yawns to try and pop his eardrums. "I have noticed this awful sensation pressing against my sinuses. I feel like my senses dulled somewhat after we left the lair. Bloody sin. I'll need a nap if we don't make it to Valac's hideout soon."
Both demons fall silent for a minute before continuing to trudge toward an unknown destination.
Bael clears his throat. "Say, uh, Satan?"
"What?"
"You don't really intend ta' fight Valac, do ya?"
"I haven't made up my mind about that," Satan replies. "On the one hand, he kept demonkind going while I was gone. On the other hand, he turned the men into animals. If he hurt my girl, things are gonna turn pretty dicey."
The Devil sniffles. "Though, if I'm being honest, I don't hold any particular grudge against the skinny skeleton. Compared to how pissed I am at Raphael, my feelings toward Valac are those of a best friend."
"Shit. You hate the old man that much?"
Satan sucks air through his teeth. "Kss... ohhh, yeah. If only you knew."
Several seconds of silence fill the space between the two demons. Satan flares his nostrils. "Everyone says Valac hates me. Our little feud seems so long ago, so petty... I barely remember what we fought over. Something about leading demonkind? Bah. Compared to what Raphael did to me, how he left me laying limbless in the dirt... my anger toward Valac is like that of two imps bitter over not sharing a bit of grub. It's a bunch of petty crap."
Bael claps his hands together. "Well, shit! Easy peasy! Forgive and forget! Shake his hand and agree to bury the ol' hatchet."
"It isn't that simple. I don't care about old grievances. I have a problem with the actions he Valac took while I was gone. This!" Satan sweeps his arms out, gesturing to the blighted forest surrounding us. "This crap. He ruined a perfectly good planet. Fucking idiot. What good is ruling a world of rocks and rust?"
Bael scratches his chin. "It does look pretty nasty."
"No kidding. Anyway, if I see him, I'll try and talk things out. I'm not here to start a civil war."
Satan hesitates. He pauses walking for a moment to stare at Bael meaningfully.
"But. But. If Valac tries anything... if I find out he pulled some shifty shit while I wasn't here... I will spit fire and fury all over him. Understand?"
"Roger," Bael says with a nod. "I'll back you up."
Satan rolls his eyes. "Glad to have you, Bael, but that won't be necessary. No matter how powerful you've become, you can't compare to me."
Bael crosses his arms. "I wouldn't be so sure of that."
Both demons eyeball each other cautiously. Satan smirks. "Are you challenging me, boy? You think you can beat me?"
The Devil releases a bit of his aura. Blood-red energy begins to drip from his body. It spills into the air and slowly builds into a flood of mana rushing in all directions.
Bael doesn't flinch. "I probably could, yeah. Lucky for you, I ain't smart enough ta' lead. No way do I wanna be king. Only a dumbass tries to lead a bunch of demons. It's like tryin' ta' corral a buncha kitty-cats with two twigs. Impossible."
Satan smirks. He lowers his energy output. "Smart move. Maybe you could beat me. Anything's possible. Unfortunately for you, I'd win eventually, no matter how many times I died."
Bael raises an eyebrow. "Uhh... huh? How would you win if you... died?"
"Eh, it's a long story," Satan says, waving the big guy's concerns away. "And we're wasting time. Any idea if we're close yet?"
Bael shrugs. "Dunno. If Artorias had come along, we could use his dirt magic to find Valac's tunnels. I bet we're close, but this whole fuckin' forest looks the same to me."
"Oh? Are you referring to Seismic Sense, perhaps?"
Satan frowns. He furrows his brow deeper after a few moments and stops to ponder something.
Seismic Sense. As I recall, that's a power the burrower demons have. Hm. If any of the demons inside me were earth-types, I might have access to their abilities.
The Devil closes his eyes and concentrates. Faces of various demons trapped inside his body appear in his mind's eye. He peruses them, one-by-one, as though he were shopping for clothing at a department store.
Samael bubbles inside our mind, interrupting Satan's thoughts. "Tired, Satan? Need a nap already?"
I'm not napping, dumbass, Satan thinks to himself. Shut up, willya? Tryin' to think here.
Samael doesn't hear his thoughts. "Giving me the silent treatment, art thou? Or, perhaps thou art worried thy friend will hear thee speaking to me and think thou hath gone insane? In truth, perhaps ye did. My brother's punishment may have been too much for thy mind to bear."
Satan rolls his eyes under his eyelids. What a fuckin' blabbermouth. I'd tell him to shut up, but then I'd have to explain to Bael I wasn't talking to him... that'd be annoying.
The Archangel pesters me for another minute or so, but eventually gives up and retreats back into his shell. It takes all of Satan's self control not to breathe a sigh of relief at the blissful silence.
Finally, the Devil opens his eyes. "Found it."
Bael, now slumped forward, also has his eyes closed. He wheezes quietly, inhaling and exhaling in a steady rhythm.
Satan's jaw drops. "Bael! Are- are you asleep?! Wake up!"
"Huh?! Wha-?" Bael jerks his head up and blinks. "Me? Sleep? Nah, no way, haha. That would be, uh, totally uncool. Aw, shit, where'd Belial go?"
"Belial?"
"Yeah! She was just here, pulling down my-"
"Gah! Shut it! I don't want to hear about your indecent dreams!" Satan flails one hand in disgust, forming a tiny physical barrier between himself and the taller demon. "Broodmothers, guide me! Give me a rag to scrub that image from my memories!"
Bael wipes his nose. "Uhh... so what'd you want?"
Satan rubs his face. "Seismic Sense... right! Before I forget; I possess the power of Earth Magic. Give me a moment, and I'll locate Valac's Den."
"Oh, damn. Serious?" Bael's eyes widen. "Is there anything you can't do?"
"Probably one or two."
With a shrug, Satan performs several hand signs and slaps his palm against the dirt.
Whoomph.
The ground rumbles ever so slightly. The trees closest to us rattle, sending dirt and dust cascading down from their dead branches.
Satan's mind temporarily expands downward. It travels in a spherical pattern, expanding a mile per second until it hits a hollowed-out tunnel amidst the packed dirt. Satan's mind traces it upward until it reaches an opening on Earth's surface.
"There."
The Devil stands and points in a slightly different direction than we were headed before. "A little over three miles that way."
Bael's jaw drops. "Bloody hell! You're awesome! Wow, I can't believe you can do that!"
"Eh, it's a gift," Satan mutters.
From a dragon, he finishes in his thoughts.
...
We continue walking, but this time with a pep in our step. As the entrance to Valac's den draws nearer, a sense of ominous foreboding begins to swirl in the air. Bael rubs his arm and looks at me. "Eugh. This place gives me the creeps. Feels like someone's watchin' us."
"They probably are," Satan says. His eyes flick from left to right as he scans for the Grim Reaper. I half-expect Valac to materialize out of thin air and impale Satan when he least expects it.
That doesn't happen.
The two demons arrive in a clearing where the absence of trees appears noticeably different compared to the forest's density from earlier. In the center sits a stump cut cleanly across the top, almost as if someone had chainsawed it and then smoothed its surface down with a sander.
Bael smiles. "Phew. Finally, we're here. It's right under that stump."
"The entrance?"
"Mhm."
Bael and I step into the clearing.
From our left and right, an odd sound, like a mixture between humming and whistling, echoes through the forest.
"♫Ahoo-ahoo, hoho, hoho!♫"
Bael freezes. His eyes widen in terror.
"No... no, it can't be..."
A voice speaks on our right from someone hidden behind a tree. "♫Look who's here, who's come out to play...♫"
From our left, another hidden figure speaks. "♫Someone's come to see master Valac. It must be his birthday!♫"
Bael clutches his head. Cold sweat drips down the back of his neck as he slumps to his knees. "Please, please no... not... not them...!"
From my right, a demon male dressed in flamingo-pink struts out from behind his tree. His poofy fur collar, long black boots, and confident stride instantly wrench Satan's stomach. He twirls his mink-fur in one hand, almost as though he's trying to seduce us.
"♫I don't know you, mister intruder McGee, but you look like a yummy little morsel, he-he-he!♫"
Satan violently jerks his head to the left. His jaw drops as an equally flamboyant male demon, one dressed in sky blue but wearing an identical getup, steps out from the other tree.
"♫We're not Nerissa; we aren't Valac's little whore. We're the next best thing, his numbers three and four!♫"
Tears fall down Bael's face. "Of... of all the demons Valac could've sent... he had to send... Azazel and Azog... NOOOOOOOO!!!"
The big guy's wail rips through the forest like a mega-freighter's bullhorn booming across the seven seas.
Both of the newcomers hold up their hands and juggle fireballs around, echoing memories of circus acts I saw during my youth.
The pink one bats his eyes at me. "♫Ohoho, I may not recognize you, but I know Bael's cute little face! He's one of my favorite big boys, someone I'd like to embrace!♫"
The other one smiles so hard that sunshine and rainbows shoot out his ass. "♫I know what you mean, little brother, I like him too! He's our favorite visitor, a real cutie poo-poo!♫"
Bael's choked sobs stab me in the heart, over and over.
"Not them... not the Sunshine Brothers... anyone but them!!"
As Azazel and Azog begin to circle us, Satan takes a step back.
Who the devil are these guys?!
..........................................................
FOR RETURNING READERS FROM CLASSIC: Please use spoiler tags when commenting on anything that might ruin the story for new readers, especially if that information is based on your knowledge of Classic!
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Submitted December 17, 2018 at 10:42AM by Klokinator https://ift.tt/2PHMqzb
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