I know this will probably sound childish or lazy to most people but I just can't help thinking this is not how someone should feel every day of their life.
About 3 months ago I started a new job working part time in a small sub-section of a retail store. Think like a coffee shop inside a bookstore type situation but with a small creative aspect. Before that I had only ever worked as a self employed artist selling my work online and at local craft show type events (I know how that sounds, but I do actually make decent money doing this) so I could choose my own hours, work from home, travel whenever I want to and make money doing things I genuinely enjoy. I mostly decided to take this new job because a friend who knows one of the managers told me they were hiring and really needed help and I was having a slow spell in my online store so I thought working part time, maybe 20 hours a week would be a nice way to supplement income until things pick up a bit (I never intended it to be a full time, permanent gig). I also was going through a pretty intense depressive episode at the time so I thought it would be a good change of pace and an excuse to get out of the house more.
So I applied, I got hired, and it's mostly been great. I'm not exactly best friends with my coworkers but we get along fine and the work itself isn't all that hard or stressful. My boss loves me and has been really understanding when I needed a weekend off to work a craft show I was already committed to, along with a few other days here and there for other things.
But I'm still miserable, I dread going in to work every day and I barely have any energy once I get home to do anything, even cook or do a load of laundry. I'm too tired and drained to work on my art even on my days off (which I only get once a week) which has caused my online sales to suffer as well as my mood in general since I'm happiest when I can be creative and while this job does involve a bit of creativity it still restricts me a lot.
At first I thought it was just because I was getting up earlier (I am not a morning person, I feel most productive between midnight and 3am) and wasn't used to working a more structured routine but then after a few weeks I still felt the same, I still do and the dread just keeps building, I come home some days trying to convince myself to do something besides lay in bed and watch netflix, even just paint my nails, and I want to cry at the thought of one more day going through the same routine. I had a fairly consistent routine before but I guess I just liked the freedom of being able to take a break for an hour if I wanted to or just stop whenever I felt like I'd done enough for the day. It sounds undisciplined but it worked really well for me and I got a lot done that way.
A second aspect of this job that I'm not thrilled about (and probably a big factor in why I'm feeling this way) is that now that the holidays are in full swing I'm basically working full time hours despite being a part time employee so I have even less time and my boss keeps talking about what an improvement I am over the last few workers they've had in my position (though it doesn't sound like that bar was very high in the first place) so I'm afraid she'll keep giving me this many hours even after the holidays are over. We're also responsible for cleaning up our area of the store before we leave, she recently started leaving just a little bit earlier than the end of my shift and leaving me with all the cleaning duties, even in her personal work space where I don't contribute to any of the mess left. This usually causes me to have to stay late to get all the cleaning done.
Wow this has gotten long. Anyway, I'm planning to ask for fewer hours soon but I guess what I'm asking here is does everyone feel this way about their jobs all the time? Am I being a spoiled brat about all this? Or am I just not suited for retail work/a traditional schedule and should stick to my art full time? The extra money from this job has been nice but I really don't need it that badly, I'm willing to stick it out at least through Christmas so as not to screw over my coworkers during a busy time but I don't know how much longer I can keep doing this.
TL;DR: Started a new job a few months ago to temporarily supplement income from self employment but it's making me miserable and I can't tell if I'm being a baby or am just not suited to a traditional work schedule. My boss is also giving me full time hours for a part time position and putting responsibilities on me that cause me to stay even later every day and I want to cry at the thought going in even one more day.
Submitted November 28, 2018 at 06:17AM by GiuliaJayThrowaway https://ift.tt/2DQtADU
No comments:
Post a Comment