“Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.”

the actual step eight of substance abuse recovery programs normally is

“Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.”

all my life ive been surrounded by people who have abused substances and as a result treated me poorly

here are my letters to the people that have harmed me :

TO THE PARENTS THAT WERE NEVER PARENTS:

mom

you always made our home look like a page in an interior design magazine

you always supported my dreams

you taught me how to be independent and helped me build a progressive attitude

you taught me how to draw and dance and sing

you knew how to dress to impress and never let me look bad

you never forgot to pick me up to and from school dance cheer and art classes

i loved our singalongs

i loved cooking with you

i loved watching you create

i loved the way you comforted and cuddled me

i loved that you were my closest friend

i hated when these things stopped

...

mom i wish i knew about your meth addiction i wish you told me my name Krystle and nickname Kristina were given to me because of meth i wish you didn't run to god because of guilt and push your family away i wish i had my mom back

...

dad

you always called me your little doll

you always fed and sheltered me

you taught me how to be a hard worker

you taught me i should never let anyone diminish my self worth

you gave me the brothers i love

you knew how to make everyone laugh

you never broke your promises

i loved our movie nights

i loved sitting on your lap while you played cards

i loved the way I could tell you anything

i loved that you always had our days planned out

i hated when these things stopped

...

dad i wish you weren't an alcoholic i wish you didn't get my best friends mom pregnant and leave us for your new family i wish i never saw you drag mom down the street i wish you didn't spend my college fund on a new life and booze i wish i had my dad back

...

TO THE PARENTS THAT PROMISED TO BE THERE BUT WERENT:

noe

you were my stepdad and you vowed to my mom you'd protect and love me

you always cooked the best meals

you always worked day and night to have money to support us

you always helped with my schoolwork

you helped get me to college

you always gave me the advice only a father could give

you waited for me at the bus stop after school everyday

you took care of mom when she got sick

you made me my favorite soup when I felt down

i loved the way you'd play with me and let me paint your nails

i loved the way you'd nap on my bedroom floor after work because you missed me

i loved the way you'd surprise me with my favorite sweets

i hated when these things stopped

...

noe i wish you didn't start spending all our money on another woman i wish you weren't addicted to pornography and that sexual pleasure didn't come before your family i wish i had my daddy back

...

viary

you were my dads girlfriend you promised me you'd always be in my life no matter what happened

you always gave me real girl advice no one else would

you taught me how to be a woman

you taught me how to shave and groom myself

you taught me that no matter my financial situation i could go to college

you taught me how to be driven

you took me out places no one could afford to take me

you gave me a brother and another family

i loved our mani pedis

i loved the perfumes you taught me to wear

i loved our long talks outside you with wine and a cigarette me with dr pepper and a chocolate bar

i hated when these things stopped ...

viary i wish you were free from an abusive relationship i wish you listened when I said my dad would never love you and only continue to hurt you i wish you would let me help you i wish i had my stepmom back

...

TO THE BEST FRIENDS THAT LEFT ME ON MY OWN:

derek

you were my other half

you always picked me up when i felt like nothing would get better

you always knew how to get my out of bed

you always helped me through depression and got me to go back to school

you always helped me study for all my tests

you always told me to just breathe when I had too much on my plate

you'd drive three hours in traffic to see me everyday

you always knew what was on my mind

you protected me from men that wanted me for the wrong reasons

i loved when you called me little sister

i loved when you'd pick me up at four am because i couldn't sleep

i loved how you'd never stop listening to our favorite album

I loved our comfortable silence

i hated when these things stopped

...

derek i wish we hadn't gotten into a fight about you driving under the influence of xanax and alcohol i wish i could've driven you away from the addiction instead i drove you away i would've been in the car when you crashed and left us I would've left with you i wish i had my big brother back

...

kaila

you were a sister to me

you always had my back when i was in trouble

you gave me a place to live and a family when I had no one

you always knew the right things to say and the right songs to play

you always helped me get past the things that were holding me back

you always stuck up for me when no one else would

you sat through all of my dance practices and recitals

you helped me get through dereks death

i loved the way we were inseparable

i loved the way people mistook us for sisters

i loved the way we'd learn from each other

i loved the way we'd share the last of anything we had with each other

i loved the way we'd stay up all night talking about everything we had on our minds

i hated when these things stopped

...

kaila i wish you didn't sleep with my boyfriend i wish you didn't always care about winning and would've pushed his advances away i wish you didn't throw away our friendship for a man i wish you told me and i didn't find out from social media i wish i had my sister back

...

TO THE MENT THAT CHOSE DRUGS OVER ME:

mano

you were the best brother a girl could ask for

you always babysat me and took care of me

you changed my diapers

you always took me to the park when mom was too sick to leave bed

you cooked when we didn't have a dad

you always took me to the park

you would toughen me up by play fighting with me

you taught me how to edit photos which is important to what I do now

you would sit and color and doodle with me

you taught me how to ride a bike

you taught me it was okay to make mistakes

you taught me how to love unconditionally

i loved the way you'd play your guitar and sing to me

i loved the moment we would play a song and both cry to it

i loved our midnight trips to the bodega for snacks

i loved seeing you geek out over bicycles and crazy views

i hated when these things stopped

...

mano i wish you didn't disappear and get hooked on a bunch of drugs i wish i was there instead of you being alone with no other options i wish i was a better sister one that could've pulled you away from that life i wish I had my brother back

...

brendan

you were the first guy to love me the way you did

you always respected and admired my thoughts and opinions

you always listened when no one else would

you found me beautiful no matter how I looked

you understood what it was like to be a foreigner like me

you always valued other cultures and wanted to learn more

you always approached me with curiosity and interest

you understood what it was like to come from a broken home

you stood by me when everyone left

i loved the way we could talk for hours

i loved the way i could trust you to always be honest with me

i loved that i felt safe giving you my heart with no hesitation

i loved our cuddles and the way you could hold me and help me forget

i loved the butterflies you gave me when you'd kiss me

i loved you

i hated when these things stopped

...

brendan i wish you didn’t try to kill me i wish you didn't start using and lying to me i wish you didn't lie to me every day while you were on it i wish you felt like you could come to me i wish you didn't ruin the way i saw love i wish i had the person i fell in love with back

Thank you for reading.

Submitted October 25, 2018 at 08:41AM by caramelclit https://ift.tt/2Pi2AmM