I've been self harming since I started to get acne. I do not cut on arms or legs and never have, it's been a lot more passive than that.
I grew up first Biting my nails till they bled out of anxiousness (Beat that) Biting skin around fingers, scratching fingers, pulling skin, pulling hair, picking at scabs/injuries. Starving myself
Picking at pimples due to Nmom (came from r/raisedbynarcissists to here) showing me they should 'be removed' with no other explanation given.
Biting the inside of my cheeks/lips till theres blood (had an abusive boyfriend in high school and this was a defense mechanism to keep him from touching me when things got bad. I have been unable to re-write this one so it has turned on me)
All but the nail biting still happens, and the worst most persistent part of it is the episodes of picking at my face till it bleeds. This really messes me up in the head honestly I'm so tired and done with this. If I have a good day, I harm to punish If i have a bad day, I harm out of giving in If i have any kind of day at all, i still wind up in front of a mirror, picking at my face.
Triggers are: those large flat bathroom mirrors and fluorescent light, a good day, receiving compliments, passive self harm through the day making my head loud which leads to finishing with a full face pick apart.
Things to know: I dont even know it's happening till its halfway through. I'm in a zone and shut down. It's very, very habit driven. I'm so tired of hurting myself and of feeling forced to cover it up with makeup so I can face the world and feeling like a disgusting human being. This runs my life from day to day.
Any ideas on how to throw a curve ball at the face stuff? I dont do wrists or I would have done the art/drawing trick already. It's my face, what can I do to redirect/calm that? After care ideas?
Thank you in advance for anything at all.
Submitted October 06, 2018 at 09:01PM by Maybejd https://ift.tt/2y43UzM
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