So today is it, my first day without weed since I was in high school. Usually I would smoke 4-6 cones before even going to work, and go through an ounce a fortnight. If I’m lucky. (In Australia this is costing me between $260-$300 and I earn $1000 a fortnight) It’s fucking stupid how much I spend. I went to Japan for 2 weeks in August this year and I never knew how addicted I really was. I didn’t eat for the first 4 days, horrendously sweaty and realistic nightmares, nausea and my ticks (lip biting and picking at my nails) went wild. It really woke me up.
I’ve never posted anything on Reddit before but I feel if a group of strangers know I have some responsibility to uphold. I want to be a criminal psychologist, correctional officer or detective and I start university in 4 months. I know all of these careers will have random drug tests, and how can I choose weed over my dream job?
The hardest part is I live with my boyfriend and best friend, and my best friend is a daily smoker too. I’m scared to be alone in the house knowing he has some bud and the bong set up right there. He suffers from depression like me, and uses weed to medicate himself. The thing is he also suffers from epilepsy, and doing research about how smoking weed can slow receptors in your brain so when you have a seizure your heart rate dramatically drops really scares me. I’ve seen it happen, they nearly had to use the defibrillator on him in hospital the last time he seized.
I’m also the one who he gives his $ to to buy weed, he has major social anxiety and won’t meet the dealers. With all of this I’m terrified of the impact it’s going to have on our friendship. He doesn’t want to quit, he said it’s a last resort (which I think it’s already come down to but anyway) but how will he get by without me? He has no other friends, no licence, no hobbies, I love him so much but I’m scared he’s holding me back and I feel terrible about it. There’s only so many times I can ask him to see someone or really think about what he wants to do with his life without sounding like a judgemental broken record. I don’t know what to do.
I’m a really lazy but high energy person, I do housekeeping from 8-1 everyday which is pure physical work and still come home bouncing off the walls but at the same time not wanting to do anything? I used weed to be ok with being bored. Im looking to sign up for a martial arts and have been looking for a second hand bike to ride to the park and read a book for when I’m going crazy. Has anyone else thrown themselves into exercise to overcome their addiction? Did it work? Fucking hell one last thing I’m vegan, and the cravings for meat have really picked up again, it’s like my brain won’t let me live without having at least one vice. Is it really possible to live a clean and sober lifestyle or will I always be looking for something to take the edge off?
Sorry for this rambling nonsense like I said I never post anywhere about anything and I think I just spewed words onto the screen. Thanks if you somehow finish reading this x
Submitted October 17, 2018 at 02:17AM by bonghitsandtinytits https://ift.tt/2Patk8R
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