updating the ugly saga that my life has become. It’s been just over a month since my xAP of 4 years ghosted, 2 months since I actually saw her (her oh so busy schedule). If there is a way to ghost hardcore she did it. Some may say it is too early. I don’t know. I am over HER, but the idea of what “we” had is still there. I saw, even if it was a lie, what I want.
I got back in the field 3 weeks later? Several hits, all not for me. Either LD (I don’t do LD....I need to fuck far more than once every 2-3 months might as well stay married if that is the case) or just not compatible in other ways. Then entered AP2. I liked her. Deep southern accent, fiery spirit. Holy shit the dirtiest woman I have ever met. Perfect. Then the games began.
I expect some level of game to be played. For one we all have baggage and the games we play allow us to vet out those that would trigger this baggage AND allow us to validate what they say vs what they do. SO....game on. We talked for 4 days. All subjects, some of the filthiest stuff I have ever had on text. I was in heaven. Then she goes silent for 2 days. Fair enough. Normally my advice is to walk. BUT.....I took a different tact and called her out on it. She came back within minutes and asked not to go. She was just really busy.
SIDENOTE: look. NO one is that busy these days. NO ONE. I have a very active life. I am married but single for the most part. I practice 2 martial arts, teach in one, I am working on a book, work full time, compete in powerlifting events (plus the 2 hour workouts 4x a week) and volunteer 20 hour minimum a month as a firefighter paramedic. And still I find time for my kids and women. For fucks sake the President of the US tweets! If he can do that the least anyone can do is send a hey babe how ya doing text once a day. Being busy is an excuse and we all know it. People in affairs invented the “too busy” excuse. Too busy means one of three things.
- A: I am losing interest an creating a buffer...ie ghosting imminent.
- B: I have things going on and incapable of balancing my work/life sorry but you drew the short straw (ghosting possible)
- C: I don’t feel like texting and too scared to tell you.
I took a deep breath put my man pants on and allowed her this. She proved herself by continuing to text, talk, things got a deep for a bit. We exchanged phone numbers. Then to continue to prove herself she would call me at arranged times. 30-40 minute conversations. Her schedule was really busy but I interpreted it to be Reason B. But her actions showed no ghosting. She just sold a business. Didn’t work but took care of her 15 year old kid as well as work on a new property she bought. Her busy was a buffer in her life. As I came to find out men had failed her numerous times. Her husband said sex with her was painful to him....and sex was something this woman lived for. The videos she sent.....wow. I only ask twice then I stop. She must have caught it because she set a date. Then canceled it that afternoon. her excuse was lame, busy on the house didn’t shower had her kid. She sent me a pic...yeah she looked filthy and I could see the house. Still an excuse, but I again interpreted this as a test of my resolve. Just things she said how men never gave her grace and understanding always after their own needs. She said she was confused and interested by me because I was such an oddity. fantastic one she said. I didn’t let it get to my ego. I know who and what I am. I am not all that great but I do recognize that life can get in the way and we did JUST meet.
I am not a complete ass, but still. Come on. Fine. Then things cooled. I called her out AGAIN. Immediate response. Then it escalated. She was all in and I was slightly pissed and dropped the nice guy stuff. She then set another date....canceled then morning of. Her kid had the flu. Confirmed. Flu is going around here early. Fuck. BUT she came immediately with another day which would allow her son time to rest and get better, plus she said. No dinner drinks. Let’s just fuck. Ok. Texted a lot. The day arrives. She’s texting me two days prior about how nervous she is. She’s afraid I won’t like her or that she won’t satisfy me. Blah blah blah.
Thing is for some reason I am nervous as fuck. Like hands shaking. Ugh I must like this girl. The day comes she shows. It’s on. I know what she likes, she was very clear about it and vocal during. No problem by me. I delivered because it’s what I like. Started in the shower (I like to shower before and she had just waxed), gave her 2 orgasms there. Moved to the bed. 4 more there. All within an hour. I also gave her the first clitorial orgasm she’s had in over a decade...according to her. believe or not? No idea buuuuuttttt. The way she howled? I can believe it. There were a couple times I thought cops were going to be called. Then it happened. She got hurt...in there. Wasn’t a finger nail. I didn’t‘ bite too hard (yeah she liked to be nibbled). It wasn’t just the injury but the menthol lubricate i used. Use your imagination. She figured that it might be because it’s a been a very long time for her and she has had a hysterectomy....lost of elasticity. There was no shortage of wetness. The sheets would need to be changed.
UGh so we hugged, laughed, joked while she dealt with it. I think she hoped it would go away. Even took a shower to wash it out. Nothing worked. She hung in there for another 15 minutes talking and laughing with me. But then had to tap out. we left, I thought on a positive note. She told me to call her tonight. I did call. we talked for a few minutes we still laughed. She told me she was glad I made it home safe.
Then that was it. Nothing since it was Monday we last talked. I sent 5 texts. Two that night asking how she was. At this point I am concerned, but then 2 more over Tuesday- Thursday less and less familiar. The final text was. Hey. I like you. I do want to see you and I liked what we had going. If things changed on your end thank you for spending time with me and all the best.
That was yesterday. Yep. Fucking ghosted again and I haven’t a clue why. I wasn’t looking for a love connection. More physical than anything. Feels are part of that I get it and not completely opposed to it. Love will be a distant thing and something I won’t jump into so quickly after AP1.
I know trying too figure out what you did is somewhat healthy. Was a bad lover? I don’t think so. Most times a guy isn’t always sure but we push it aside. Her? No she was pretty clear the whole time. I have the scratch marks to prove it (argh love that). Was I unattractive to her? Possible but why not just nope out then PLUS plenty of pics had been sent up until that point. LIke....naughty bits and such. She had time to decide.
Everyone will tell you that ghost is immature and a sign of emotional instability on the part of the ghosted. So even if i accept all that. Accept that it had nothing to do with me the hit to ones’ confidence is powerful. Especially twice in a 2 month period. And with that statistic I have to wonder what I am doing wrong. I stop looking for red flags since when you are in the moment you can misinterpret things. I look to my own actions and how they make me feel. This way no one can control me...and yes people can plant false red flags or even positive ones. It’s how breadcrumbing is a thing.
Any way.
fuck.
Submitted September 21, 2018 at 03:31PM by MrrSnuffleupagus https://ift.tt/2OHR9Bg
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