So I visited my family's house for my Older sister's birthday. I had a bit of a meltdown when I came back home to my DH. He told me that every time I come back from their house, I act messed up. He said that my eyes are blank and glazed over, and that I don't put thoughts together as well, etc. Yesterday was worse than usual, and instead of hiding from him just what happened, I told him the things that upset me. I'm going to list the things out here. I need another perspective because I don't know how to proceed.
- They knew with an hour's heads-up that I was on my way over. I get to the house and my mom is sitting in her chair, butt-ass naked and stinks of being unwashed - like that stale musty sweat BO from someone who hasn't bathed in quite a few days.
- My mom tells everyone to stop what they are doing and saying so that they can comment on my hair (I had gotten a brazilian blowout and a haircut as an early birthday present to myself). She then says how I've managed to make my hair look exactly like hers because hers is naturally so straight and shiny. She suggested that she could go wash her hair so that we could compare whose hair is the shiniest now, and that I'll probably forget that my hair used to be so frizzy.
- Up until then I've been kind of trying to avoid looking at her too much. It creeped me out that she was naked and stinky. She then called me over so that I could come see how her nails look, because she had them done at a nail salon and even though they have grown out, they aren't chipped. She was trying to tell me that they looked like a "reverse french tip" because there was about 2-3 cm of new nail growth underneath.
- I told her jokingly that she needs to put clothes on first. She agreed to put a blanket over her chest because "you can't see my crotch because my stomach's in the way"
- Then she went into this whole thing about how her and my sister are "true nudists" who see nothing wrong or sexual about nudity. And the reason why I act like such a prude is because, actually, I'm this super sexual person so every time people are naked all I can think about is sex and I'm sexualizing everything.
- Then she brought up how it's hypocritical of me because back when I was in college I streaked once with a bunch of my friends, and I was once a nude figure model for an art club meeting. Except in her version, I figure modeled "in some hallway" and I did it for free which for some reason made it more scandalous??
I just felt so fucking gross and insulted and creeped out. But when Im around my family, I just get into this mode where I do everything I can to make sure they aren't mad at me. I start feeling like I did well just because I wasn't yelled at or whatever. But then after I got home I just felt so...weak and dirty and gross and ashamed.
I don't know. I don't know how to act around them, and I don't know if I want to continue to be around them. I also don't know if I want to go through all the hassle of NOT being around them either. I think I need therapy.
Submitted September 10, 2018 at 05:20PM by phalseprofits https://ift.tt/2wXy7za
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