BF wants open relationship

Note: I’m using a throwaway.

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 12 years. We share a lot in common and he’s like “The One” even though we both said marriage and children are not on the cards. He’s a nice person, gentle and considerate. I’m still falling about myself over him. I’m crazy nuts in love him.

However, as nice as he is, it’s not without its downsides too. We don’t sleep together, he works nights and I work days. He plays spots which seems to be his first love. This has always been the way, and I’m not the snarky type of girl who tells a guy he can’t follow his passions. I support him. I let him have the limelight while I watch from the sidelines, depressed and gaining weight. I’m not 60lbs overweight. Food became a comfort for me

It came to a point last week, where he sat me down and gave me “the talk” because our peace is expiring in a month and he asked me if we should be together anymore because I was the one who was too cluttered and undriven (I work 40hours, train martial arts twice a week...) I was really taken aback and upset by this that it took me over a day to reply to him.

I wrote him an email, because when I am upset I get choked up and I get bad at my words. I was honest. I explained to him just how much effort I do put into the relationship, and how ignored, unworthy and unattractive I feel because of his actions. I also pointed out that our bedroom activities were equal to two teens fingering each other in the dark occasionally (which it was, for 11.5 years. We may have only had vaginal sex maybe three times. It wasn’t wrong persay...but something wasn’t right). I told him I wanted more excitement, that I deserved to feel good about myself for once.

The next day he wrote back, apologising for his actions, and finally admitted that he was so shy in the bedroom because of his fundamentalist Christian upbringing (his sister had a baby at 17. His brother visited a brothel then felt so guilty he told the whole family. Sex is shameful in his family as a result I guess).

He also admitted that he wanted to sleep with other women and put us in an open relationship. I’m not going to lie, I’ve had crushes on other men, but never acted on them out of respect for the man I love. I gave him permission to act out his fantasies. He gave me permission to act out mine. After almost 12 years, we finally had a breakthrough.

In the week since this conversation, I have been feeling good and bad. I’m not against the idea of an open relationship, but I can’t help but feel that I deserve the energy that he’s kept locked away wanting to pursue another woman to be directed at me, since I have craved it for so long.

It’s also liberating I guess on the other hand that I am not the one who is totally responsible for his sexual wellbeing, and vice versa. A part of me gets it, that im not unattractive because he won’t nail me, but the other part of me wonders why he doesn’t see me in a new light.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that this is entirely new to me and I’m scared and not sure if I really want anyone else than my boyfriend. Am I just a sap? Am I wrong for feeling so torn about it?

Submitted September 10, 2018 at 10:54AM by 5minutesto3 https://ift.tt/2NC2q97