• How old are you? What's your gender?
21M
• Is there a medical diagnosis that impact your mental/compartmental stability somehow?
GAD and MDD
• Describe your upbringing. Did it have any kind of religious or structured influence? How did you respond to it?
My dad and stepmom are very religious, as was my mom when I was a kid. She later evolved her theology to Spiritualism and now follows her own beliefs. My family, in general, lacks structure entirely. Most, if not all, of my depression and anxiety stem from this.
• What do you do as a job or as a career (if you have one)? Do you like it? Why or why not?
I’m currently a security guard and have 8 hours free time every day. In this time I Reddit, play games, try to teach myself something new (coding/programming, game design, a couple of languages, etc.) However, I am going to school to teach English to speakers of other languages.
• If you need to take a test/exam for class, how to you study/prepare/approach it?
Stressfully. If it’s a logical class (math, sciences) I typically try to solve problems/practice, but I’m very lazy when it comes to studying these. On the other hand, the arts or any class that just requires memorization are very easy for me. I usually quiz myself repeatedly until I know the answers to the questions.
• If you had to spend an entire weekend by yourself, how would you feel? Would you feel lonely or refreshed?
I love spending weekends by myself. There are times when I feel lonely, but that’s more often when I want my boyfriend to stay the night. My ideal weekend schedule if I make it: Friday night, go out to a club with no one, get drunk and dance by myself (even if I go out with a group, I end up dancing by myself or with a stranger. The latter only briefly and never the same person twice). Saturday I would spend recovering on the couch or in bed, watching Netflix and YouTube. Sunday would also be a super lazy day with maybe dinner with my boyfriend.
• What is your relation with movement and your surroundings? For instance do you prefer a sport or outdoors event? If an outdoors event what is it? And why? If not what type of activities do you tend to engage in?
I absolutely hate sports. I can get into if I’m forced to go to a sports party (mostly in my childhood), but I hate them because they bring out negativity in people who aren’t normally negative. They make people yell and scream and break things. Sports is a trigger and the cause of many fights and people being injured, both by the players and the audience. Myself, I love camping and doing solitary things outside. If I’m in the city I’ll take a walk and just look around and ponder how buildings were built and the process that the construction crew had to go through. I often judge what the city government is doing. I like older buildings to stay but I also like new buildings, however the best architecture, in my opinion, is when old and new mesh. If I’m in the country or in a wooded park, I will walk around and observe nature. I’ve always loved nature and watching animals. I like observing ants and listening to birds and squirrels. Because of this, I thoroughly enjoy camping and hiking.
• How curious are you? Do you have more ideas then you can execute? What are your curiosities about? What are your ideas about - is it environmental or conceptual, and can you please elaborate?
I am extremely curious about everything. I am constantly thinking about how, why, when, and who. How did this thing come into place? Why does this thing exist? What’s its purpose, if any? When did it come about? Did somebody build it, or did it come naturally? If so, when? What was going on in the environment or society at the time that this was built/come about? Who built it? Who in the past has interacted with it? Why did this person build it? What was his thought process? Who was/is this person? What kind of person were they?
• Are you coordinated? Why do you feel as if you are or are not? Do you enjoy working with your hands in some form? Describe your activity?
I’m very well coordinated. I often test myself in dark rooms (like going to the bathroom and washing my hands without the lights on) and when I’m intoxicated. I thoroughly enjoy hands-on work but get bored with most things quickly. On my own, if I had money I would do several DIY projects. From gardening to keeping animals, cooking to organizing, business development to teaching myself a new skill (mechanical, technical, or information-based). I also did color guard with the marching band in high school (spinning flags in an artistic manner with dancing and spinning rifles)
• Are you artistic? If yes, describe your art? If you are not particular artistic but can appreciate art please likewise describe what forms of art you enjoy. Please explain your answer.
Yes. I have the ability and capacity to understand and recreate new art methods in addition to old. If I study a new method, I can comprehend and utilize it very quickly. When I see a color I naturally see the gradient and all the shades according to the light and environment around it. I particularly enjoy watching the sky and looking at mountains, both bare and covered in foliage.
• What's your opinion about the past, present, and future? How do you deal with them?
The past is always going to be there so you’ve got to learn to cope with it. The present is the most important but most difficult because the future is decided by your actions today.
• How do you act when others request your help to do something (anything)?
I help them, regardless.
• Do you need logical consistency in your life?
Yes. If I fail to see logic my anxiety intensifies.
• How important is efficiency and productivity to you?
I try to make decisions based on them, but my sense of logic is skewed (by what? I don’t know.) so most of my decisions fail to have any logic, at least that’s what logical people say, ie. My boyfriend who is a bio-med engineer.
• Do you control others, even if indirectly? How and why do you do that?
Admittedly I do. I have really been trying to relax more, but it’s so ingrained in me by my family that everything and everyone needs to do what I say. If I don’t control people or situations, then I feel anxious due to an unforeseen and unthought-through future/consequences.
• What are your hobbies? Why do you like them?
Literally everything except sports. When I was a kid I wanted be in several different occupations. My interests are very well rounded. If I hadn’t had a job offer with specific degree requirements I would still be undecided or switching between majors.
• What is your learning style?
Visual, teaching, hands on, and hearing in that order. I get most of my knowledge visually and then I try to recreate it by teaching. If I need further explanations I prefer real-world examples or experiments. I included hearing because I don’t learn much from just listening, however I use it quite a bit in my language studies.
• How do you gather information? What drives you to do so?
If my interest is peaked or if someone close to me wants to discuss the information, then I’ll learn about it. I’m not often interested in news, but I’ll learn about something so that I can relate to people around me.
• What's important to you?
Family, money.
• What are your aspirations?
Ideally, I would like to be a Super Intendent of a school district or be the president of a foreign language private school. Additionally, I would run and maintain a farm large enough to sustain my family without having to go to the grocery store. I would like to speak most of the world’s largest languages fluently. Travelling the world in a much greater capacity than what I already have (China and Japan. China for work. Japan because I had a panic attack and bought a plane ticket when I got back from China and was super broke).
• What are your fears? What makes you uncomfortable? What do you hate?
I hate sports/competition. I fear mostly nothing until it’s presented in front of me, but generally speaking it’s only extreme things (thinking about jumping off of a 330 ft building without any protective equipment). However a LOT of things make me uncomfortable. I dislike the sound of chewing, people touching me or my hair (I have short hair, I just don’t like it), when my nails get caught on something (I have short nails, I just hate the feeling), thinking about paper cuts, I’m super cautious around knives, seeing people in public doing PDA, people hurting themselves or other people hurting other people, the list can go on for a long time.
• What do the "highs" in your life look like?
I am financially stable and spend a lot of time with my boyfriend, I have freedom to do whatever I want. I actually ask people to spend time with me.
• What do the "lows" in your life look like?
Self-loathing. Lying in bed all day. Eating a lot of sweets. Normal/average depression stuff.
• How attached are you to reality? Do you daydream often, or do you pay attention to what's around you? If you do daydream, are you aware of your surroundings while you do so?
I do daydream and I often lose awareness of reality. However, I am very aware of my body during this time. For example, I don’t particularly breathe during these brief moments and I stare a lot.
• Imagine you are alone in a blank, empty room. There is nothing for you to do and no one to talk to. What do you think about?
First, I would consider the size of the room. How I perceive how big it is vs how big it actually is, amongst other uncommon observations. Then I would probably go to wherever my mind took me.
• How long do you take to make an important decision? And do you change your mind once you've made it?
Usually very briefly. I come up with a very quick game plan that’s most often unthought through. Over the course of the next few days I’ll properly examine the decision and plan and discuss it with people from various walks of life, then I make the decision. I do not change my mind.
• How long do you take to process your emotions?
I’m 21. I just recently processed the fact that my grandma, grandpa, great-grandma, and great-grandpa all past within 3 years of each other in early high school (14, 15 years old). I guess awhile.
• Do you ever catch yourself agreeing with others just to appease them and keep the conversation going? How often?
Absolutely. Every day.
• Do you break rules often? Do you think authority should be challenged, or that they know better? If you do break rules, why would you?
Authority, unless corrupt or using their status for personal gain, should not be challenged. I do break the rules if the consequences are small and manageable, but only for reasons that don’t benefit myself.
• What is the ideal life, in your opinion?
No financial stress and enough time to properly explore all of my interests.
Submitted July 24, 2018 at 11:02PM by zallencor https://ift.tt/2NFdb6I
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