What's up fuck face?! Ha! I always wanted to do that in an official letter. At any rate as you can probably tell I knew you were getting a promotion, so I'm going to give you a few tips, no need to thank me after all it's my job to look out for my little bro....I mean sure our parents might not be the same, and I'm only 5 minutes older than you but hey! Details am I right!? Sure I am at any rate let's start.
Fernik: the sexy cat girls (And boys) of the Galaxy, now I've known you since you were wearing dippers, we were on the same maternity Ward after all! And I Know for a fact you will end up banging one of em, word of warning use a condom, do to the segregated evolution of the different Fernik trives the females are able to slightly mutate the dna of their reproductive cells (Males can also do this), in short they can actually be impregnated by humans do to our remarkably similar DNA structures, on top of that the babies of such unions are usually viable and capable of having their own children during adulthood, do to this fact it is believed that within 5,000 years the Fernik and Human races will have completely merged into a single new one.
Taketakite: the creepy Cockroache monsters of outer space......also complete and total pussys! Seriously this guys were born as some kind of pray animals in their home planet, more or less like us, except unlike us when they' gained intelligence they didn't proceed to utherly fuck up their predators, no instead they gathered and build enormous walled cities that they would expand ever so slowly, the growing population within the cities and the limited farming land made them become Absolutely incredible farmers, on the other hand they not only hate war but are in fact completely incapable of doing it, Humanity is currently in the process of integrating them into our territories as a voluntary Protectorate, they want to be protected by human guns and in exchange they promised to make our Agri-World idea work. They are also rather nice fellas when you get past the nightmare inducing exterior, they also make Ridiculously good coffee, now I'm talking good as in even better than that time we had the Marlo twins in the back of our Limbo drouing prom.
Wekakate: Evil Sentient Chiwawas, the only way I can describe this little fuckers is as the cross between a warewoulf A chiwawa A box of razor blades and a full oil tanker's worth of evil, vile, And a deep hatered twards life it's self. I'm not going to sugar coat it, we are probably going to end up glassings this sadistic sons of bitches at one point or another.
Tekerote: Super smart fat pandas? I don't actually know much about this fellows, they have a good 7-8 planets and hardly ever venture out of their territories, I've never even seen one, from what little info I have been able to gather they sound almost exactly like pandas and seem to have the same problems with procreation our pandas do as such their population is surprisingly tiny.
Selores: Zora, they are the mother Fucking Zoras from legend of Zelda. I know, I couldn't believe it either but yeah, they have a queen, their cities are inside lakes and have amazing waterfalls in them......also they build stupidly annoying water temples ment to test their mental and physical abilities, they ain't bad but if a member of the Eccelesiarchy invites you to their Temple just say no, seriously last time I was stuck for 3 hours trying to figure out how to open a Fucking door.
Gelastani/Reshote: ok so the gelastani are sentient piles of microorganisms, on the other hand the Reshote are sentient insect colonies, so why am I putting them together? Because that's literally the only difference between them. Also they both best represent something I have noticed about the Galaxy, you see by galactic standards humans are prudish, Well not just prudish, we are super prudish, we are seen more or less like we see the Amish. The Gelastani and Reshote require foraighn DNA in order to ensure the viability of their future generations, now back in the day they would obtain said DNA by consuming other creatures, or the Bodies of their fallen enemies, but now they get it trough.....well mating, they mate with literally all other races, they are capable shape shifting to a remarkable degree, as such they can make them selfs almost unresistable to any race, yes that includes humans. That's not the important part how ever, no the important thing is that this is not only accepted but is seen as down right normal by the Galaxy at large, drouing my first Galactic Council meeting for instance, I saw two separate representatives mating with a pair of Gelastani through the meeting, on top of that while they were being ignored by most, a surprising number of representatives started pleasuring them selfs while looking at them.......look this Galaxy is a really Fucking wierd place, you are going to see a LOT of really strange shit while dealing with the council.
Sepo Gena( straight translation= Zero One): this guys are an AI race, the only one as far as the council is aware of, they are a strange lot to say the least, the race that created them was apparently going extinct thanks to a disease, that can best be describe as the black plage on steroids, their home world is strictly off limits and is only marginally less well protected than Earth. They are completely sentient Individual AIs so they are quite creative and make some beautiful art, when you first meet one you might be shocked to see that they look almost exactly like a human, this is because they are capable of changing bodies almost as easily as we change clothes, humans in short are just in style this season as such most if not all of their higher representatives are wearing synthetic Human bodies.
DemoCates: as you well know we meet the council after this domb mother fuckers decided to pick a fight with humanity, and then decided to run for help when they realized how amazingly fucked they were, I mean sure we could' have smashed the Council fleet and glassed their home planet, but hey they had sexy cat girls! And also trade....to be fair trade was probably the main reason we didn't just war the entire council to dust. The fact that we would have likely won a war against even the combined forces of the entire council is not lost on them, that's why the council pays the expenses of any human going to Fernik worlds, the council at Large has it on their heads that if the Fernik and humanity combine into a single race we will be loyal to the council. At any rate you know everything there is to know about the DemoCates from basic drouing the war, and I sure as fuck don't want to call forth the ire of drill sergeant Mc. Manister's ghost by repeating it.
Mesara: Space hamsters, this fuckers are the cutest little things you will ever see, they are about a foot tall and fat as fuck, their cheek's are always fat and full of food making them look like rotund balls of furr, they are super fluffy and squishy, they have two planets in their one solar system meaning they pose little military threat......how ever you should still listen to them, this little fluff balls control a surprisingly large chunk of the council's infrastructure and commerce, they also really Really don't like the Fernik but paradoxically seem to love Fernik/Human Hybrids, since they don't gain anything from a humanity that's closer to the council we are not sure why exactly that is, it might be worth your time to investigate this fact.
Tesora: Dino Badasses, this guys form the bulk of the council's military force as they account for almost 70% of it, they are brave and though as nails, they are also unlikely to become enemies to humanity any time soon (That is unless a majority of the council votes for war....at least for now) they love football (The American version) And MMA, a surprisingly large chunk of em have even started visiting our worlds to participate in turnamendments or just to watch fights live, alongside the Fernik The Tesora are one of only 3 races we are considering giving access to Earth, they are really cool and can party with the best of them, they drink alcohol At about the same rate and for the same reasons we do, military commanders on both sides are constantly pushing for combined military exercises .....a fact that has made the more distrustful races more than a little worried.
Any way the council is made up of almost 100 different races so I can't go over all of them, but this are some of the mayor Players on the galactic scene, if you find yourself needing some more advice send me a message and I'll be sure comply little bro.
(I hope you liked my little list....story? Any way sorry about the spelling, all my equipment is in Spanish so spell checking is currently inpossible for me, on top of that I'm not a native English speaker nor do I have much opportunity to practice it, if one of you kind fellas would post an edited version of this in the comments for the fellas that can't understand my garbled English it would be much appreciated)
Submitted June 19, 2018 at 05:33PM by EmperorOfTheAnarchy https://ift.tt/2K94Dqu
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