I am finally comfortable enough in life to want to integrate more feminine aspects of my personality into every day life. I've talked to my trans friends more in depth about it, but as they're all FTM, it's difficult to put specifics into words. I don't feel that I'm in a position courageously or financially to attempt to transition yet (this is a whole different topic I am hardly able to talk about without feeling meek), but my girlfriend and I have talked about it a bit and more while intoxicated, and she wants me to be happy with who I am.
I know that she's extremely loving, caring, sweet and accepting, but it's still a bit embarrassing because it took so long into our relationship to even talk about this and even longer to get to this point. I just don't want it to be too sudden and blast the doors off the whole situation. She's bisexual, so that's a comfort, but I am anxious about her questioning the traits she likes about me if any of them change. I know that's probably ridiculous and I know that it's just anxiety talking, but you know. I just want to ease into it more before going full force. I'm uncomfortable being around pretty much anyone in relation to this subject, so I also don't want to make myself feel too vulnerable and shy away. Like I said, it's difficult.
I really like makeup, like a lot. My girlfriend actively asks to do my makeup, so I've thought about getting more into that as a hobby. I lots of facial products targeted towards women, but I've been contemplating changing all of my hygiene products to things with scents that I actually find more appealing. I know for sure that I want to style my hair diffently and dye it something that I've always wanted. My workplace has nothing against personal identify and let's us appear as wild as we please, so I know that's no issue. I really really really want to get into nail art. I'm not confident enough to wear polish in public like I was when I was a teenager, but I really want to practice at home. She's made comments about me wearing specific clothing like really short shorts and crop tops, but I've always been under the impression she was implying that more from an alternative male image, and not for what I really want. I point this out because I want underwear I'm comfortable in. I think about it every time we go to Victoria Secret and I had a moment today where I really wanted to take the jump and grab a pair without saying anything, but I was too afraid. I just want to be able to show off my butt, because I think it's actually pretty nice, but I'm just anxious.
Anyway, I'm rambling. I really want to know what suggestions anyone has that are small things that make you feel like more of a woman. Things that make you happy to be you. That's all I want.
Submitted August 14, 2019 at 06:06AM by blueberrybabyxo https://ift.tt/2OTLjRV
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