This might be a long one so feel free to skip it altogether.
I've been a fan of iiluminaughtii for a while and I hesitated to watch one of her most recent videos; an r/TumblrInAction video if it wasn't obvious. This is not hate on the video by any stretch. I would just like to share with her and with anyone who cares to read it my personal experience on Tumblr. But first, a little backstory on myself.
I have two older sisters; one of whom sexually assaulted me when I was barely old enough to remember it and both of whom further mentally and physically abused me throughout my childhood and teenage years. At the age of ten, my father left (not uncommon unfortunately) and caused a mental break in the middle sister whom turned to cutting and five suicide attempts along with dating many older men, she was about 16 and would date 24-32 year old men, over the course of about five years. Because of this, my mother turned all of her attention to that sister and neglected me entirely. I didn't have either of my grandparents for help because my maternal grandparents were coddling the oldest and my paternal grandparents were in Mississippi (two states away.) So during this time up until even a couple years ago, I became my mother's mother and did it without complaining to her. I made sure she was fed, dressed properly, took her meds, and woke up/went to sleep at the right times.
Once the middle sister was 18, she ran away to Mississippi to live with our paternal grandparent under the guise of taking care of our now widowed, cancer-ridden grandmother and becoming a nurse. She did neither of these things, only convinced her to come back and steal everything from 'her' room and she even attempted to take two of our dogs back with her. She came back not even a year later, pregnant and begging our mother for help. However, she was still a bratty, manipulative teen inside so, due to an escalated event, our mother had to call CPS. The case is almost over as of the time of writing this; my mother is going to adopt the child and my sister couldn't care less because she's pregnant the child of a different man she claims forced himself upon her and is now claiming to be abusive when, earlier on in their relationship, she claimed that he was the sweetest man there was.
I am now 19, jobless, anxiety-ridden and struggling with RTS. My mother is still no mother to me.
Throughout this time, I have had two Tumblr accounts; both created and abandoned for similar reasons.
The first account was just for my art. I was a budding artist looking for approval and had done so and gained "mutuals" that I thought actually cared about me. Yet, when I revealed in a "Get to know me Q&A" that I was not only straight and white, but cis (identifying as the gender you were assigned at birth) as well, the toxic LGBT+ community, including people I thought were my friends bullied me off the platform.
The second account I had made a year later, a little braver this time. It was an account for Wizard101, a family MMORPG game that was my escape and second home since 2008. I tried my best to follow only Wizard101 and art-central content but it all started to slip a few months ago. Everyone around me slowly turned more political and toxic, causing my own anxieties to worsen. One day earlier this month (July), I discovered one of the people I had admired reblog a post saying something along the lines of "All white people are racist no matter what. All men are misogynists no matter what. If you were raised in America, you were raised under a patriarchy." This is what finally broke me and I had to leave for my own good, but I wasn't going out with a last word.
So I shared a slightly more detail version of my history along with the line "If this isn't hypocrisy, I don't know what is." stuck to the end, hoping it would be the last nail in the coffin. It was, for me. I decided I'd wait a day to see if I got any kind of reaction at all from anyone but, somewhat gratefully, I didn't save one single message. I got a message from another user sharing they're going through the same things being on the site and wishing me the best in life. I thanked them, wished them the same, then deleted my account.
I said it once, and I'll say it again, if this isn't hypocrisy, I don't know what is.
Submitted July 31, 2019 at 07:58PM by JellOphie https://ift.tt/2Yt1Vn6
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