Is this a CB? I think of her kind of like a dog passively begging, hoping for free scraps.
Relative is aware I live in a small place but insists on bringing four people to visit and vacation (with free accomodations, of course!). I literally have no space for these people as I live alone and don't have the capacity to accompany a total of 5 of us.
Relative changes dates when she is going to visit, makes airline reservation and doesn't tell me anything until after the fact. A friend suggested they may have done this so I would pay for their hotel. I have to work on those days as I have no vacation time left. This could be a blessing in disguise as I won't have to do anything touristy (pretty much all expensive) and can avoid those awkward moments where the check comes after lunch/dinner and they wait for me to pay. It works with all the other relatives, they always get their free lunch/dinner.
Oh, and she volunteered me to take free professional photos during the visit without asking. Yes free and professional are contradictory terms. The non-existent pictures she wants shot by a professional photographer (me) for free. It is supposed to be as a gift for one relative but betting dollars to donuts if I say yes then she will have the brilliant idea that they ALL should get free photos. Trust me, this is the way she operates. Guess providing a place to stay and food isn't demanding enough.
Last time she visited there were lots of "can I have it?" when she saw something of mine she wanted so I'm hiding anything I think would be "appealing" because I just can't stomach spending days dealing with the begging. By about the fifth beg, I started giving her the side eye. I thought she had to be kidding but she wasn't! It seems weird to continuously beg for things. They make more money than I do, which is beside the point because begging is just wrong especially if it isn't necessary.
Has another relative putting in special food requests now, so that I can get started on the short order cook list. I'm buying ready made food so that I don't have them begging me to treat them to a restaurant or spend my time not working acting as their short order cook. This way, if they want to eat out (which they will) I will be able to say I'd rather eat at home as I bought lots of food for you that I don't want to go to waste.
I've fallen for the "woe is me" stuff in the past when she claims she has no clothing to wear (she used to do this at least twice a year) and bought her clothing several times until one time she begged for clothing stating she had nothing for summer to wear on their trip to a very expensive theme park. That was the final straw for me with the clothing, how can one afford to spend thousands of dollars on a vacation but not be able to afford supposedly necessary clothing? And there was the brand new SUV sitting in the driveway. And the new iphone and iwatch. Of course, the trip, SUV and icrap is why she couldn't afford clothing. Sigh. Also, I visited and saw a gigantic walk in closet stuffed full of clothing which put the nail in the coffin. Last winter she whined again about her lack of clothing to a relative and I heard about it. Like I said, at least twice a year.
Also, I paid for a nice dinner out for other family members as a gift and she pushed her kids onto my family and demanded they take them to dinner so she could shop. She knew fully well family would never ask her to pay for her kids, which is exactly why she did it. I was infuriated that the gift I gave was exploited by her. For this reason I will avoid taking her kids anywhere while they visit because I guarantee they will start whining for food the minute we go anywhere. And they always push their kids off on relatives.
She has also done the bait and switch for holiday gifts---has the idea of not giving gifts, gets everyone to agree and once they do she adds her exception: everyone but the kids, of course. She is the only one with kids. And now everyone gets to buy the gifts for the kids (and I'm sure she was hoping everyone would spend much more money on them because of this). This only happened once but it was obviously rehearsed and premeditated.
Relatives (who can afford it) always get invited on her vacations, they pay for dinners and gifts, of course.
At her wedding she counted her guests, guessed an average gift amount based on whatever and tried to manipulate things to PROFIT off of it. I told her it isn't nice or realistic to prospect on gifts/money like that and that a wedding is about celebrating with friends and was sent away for speaking my mind. It was mostly young people who attended and most young people are barely making ends meet. It didn't meet her strange expectations.
She is one of those people who is very charming and manipulative about this, she isn't rude or mean or overbearing. She will kill you with kindness and then insert a beg or two. I'm not manipulative so it isn't easy for me to respond, especially when I realize it is more of the typical manipulation from her. And anyone who calls her on her crap would be painted as a villain. And since she plays my relatives like a violin they aren't going to sympathize, as they fall for the crap every time.
I can completely sympathize with people I know in their 20's who are poor and miss meals, those are the kind of people who deserve generosity. It is as if she got used to the begging and never stopped. And I've heard them all BRAG about getting this and that from various people so apparently they are all CB.
They can afford to buy stuff but seem to think they deserve for their lives to be supplemented by everyone and anyone around them. They have received both cars and phones from people they know at no charge in the past. I really don't want to deal with being asked for my car. Their kids hit up relatives for their cars and it makes me sick. I'm sure the kids have refined their begging to an art form since their parents have taught them well.
Their kid who has never had a job hit me up for money to go to Europe last summer, I didn't give her any. Good grief. Of course, they've saved nothing for college for their kids and I fully expect to hear a sob story about this during their visit. She also likes to joke about moving in with me once we hit retirement age.
There is more than this but it is all I can think of right now. I can scarcely remember a conversation we've had in years where there wasn't a beg or poor me statement inserted by her. After writing this I'm kind of shocked by how obvious and bad it is. It is tough because it is one of those I love you but this begging behavior isn't going to fly situations. What do you think?
Submitted June 04, 2019 at 09:14AM by rainicornsnunifarts http://bit.ly/2XkC6lq
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