This post is a write-up about this video. I have been watching it and while I have not been officially diagnosed, I am researching and this has been so helpful. I will try to do the formatting as best I can, but I guess on my end I just wanted to spell things out better for myself. I hope you're able to follow it.
The reason I decided to do this write up and look into this was because first of all, I've known I've been different my entire life, but I've never understood WHY. After I quit my last job, I was absolutely just miserable, trying to figure people out and not understand their motives and why they acted the way they did when all I was trying to do was my job and be nice to people... but I've noticed my social skills are not very good, and people still catch on that I am odd. I stare too much, say the wrong things, am kind of intense in general. So, this is where I am now. Just trying to navigate and understand.
Thank you for reading.
Tony Attwood: Aspergers in women (and how it relates to me)
-Tests have mostly been directed towards boys
-Women are harder to diagnose because we “mask”
-Aspies can prefer solitude, or they can go in and be bossy. (Me; intrusive, intense, and annoying) -Do not like to be touched -Girls are more likely to mimic and will watch what others are doing and will copy. Ie, who is popular, what are they doing to get there, let's try that. As for myself, I have done the same in many situations. If I notice something isn't working, I take a different tactic that I notice someone else doing, even if it doesn't make sense to me because obviously the current approach isn't working. Observe, analyze, and imitate. Fake it till you make it.
-It's there, but they don't want to be noticed. This is called the ASD level 1.
-Observe and try to understand before they make the first step. Pathological fear of making a mistake. (I understand this). Understanding the thoughts, feeling, and intentions of others. Not understanding why people have certain facial expressions, social cues, things that are silent that are understood by others, but not me. I don't always realize when I do something socially inappropriate, but I can feel it after. Nearly no one will tell me what I've done, and there's no guarantee that I would understand it anyway. Tony says one thing that Aspie girls are good at, is escaping into an alternative and imaginary world- something I excelled at as a child, wanting to be valued and understood. He mentions soap operas, but I don't understand this much because I've never been a TV or movie watcher. It is usually difficult for me to follow.
-Reading fiction helps to learn about inner thoughts and feelings Many girls with Aspergers sing in perfect pitch and develop a talent for language and music. I do not have perfect pitch, but I do understand music and rhythm, and I do understand spelling, grammar, and language skills.
-He brings up decoding social situations in doll play, I don't remember doing that. But I still do apologize and appease, and am also a chameleon, still learning about myself and trying to understand who I am and who I want to be. -Self appointed revealists of the truth: Saying that which is not acceptable to say by others. Will spot your mistakes and point them out. This for whatever reason annoys others.
-The birthday party appease: Feels in danger, but is too afraid to say no. I have been in this situation also.
-Adopts a person to fit a situation. Home is very different from work, school, etc. Good two shoes at work, meltdown when I get home and everything is too stimulating and the slightest thing to bother me causes extreme reactions and emotions because I'm so mentally exhausted from the previous 8 or 10 hours. Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde situation.
-Girl doesn't want to be noticed, so she's less disruptive. Tends to think if we are very good, people will like us and all will be well. (Have I never found out that is so far from the truth).
-Aspergers have found something more interesting than socializing. For me, it's books. White Oleander by Janet Fitch is my favorite, most life events relate to one character or another and I have read the book more times than I can count, and I can tell you quote after quote applying to various life situations. -Routines, repetitive behavior, high levels of anxiety.
-Avid observer. I have often said that people really ARE fascinating if you watch them, but ONLY from a distance. Trying to get to know them personally and be friends nearly always ends badly.
-Having trouble expressing why they feel the way they do. “How/why do you feel this way? I don't know!”
-Uncanny ability to copy accents, vocal inflections, facial expressions, and gestures. Trying to become a different person than you are because the person you want to be is more successful.
-Aspies often like libraries and older adults because they have answers to things that their own peers do not have. (Guilty of this one too) -WORRYING. I do this all of the time. Sensory things are issues too, birthday parties, the park, etc. Too much noise.
-Depression and low self esteem from unsucessful socialization.
-A tendency to catastrophize your emotions. A history of intense interest in a person, and when it goes badly (as it often does) emotions are intense.
-Anorexia and eating disorders are also part of this, being obsessed with numbers, though I have never had this, I know people who have.
-Dolls. “I played with dolls until I was 14 years old.” Me too. Though as he stated, it doesn't have to be dolls. It can be legs and model airplanes, and I did this too. If fact, I usually liked the toys that were aimed at boys better. I was a tomboy. I still am. Boys have always been easier.
-Does not know how to do girl things. I understand this. I don't understand social events, I don't understand getting nails done, they seem so impractical. I don't like massages because I don't like people touching me. I like makeup, but really I think it's because it's more of an art form for me, and if I don't like how it feels, I won't wear it. I didn't like dresses as a child, and I still don't wear them often and only if they're comfortable and I don't have to do anything impractical in them. I still hate pink and frilly.
-Needs to recover form social exhaustion. It is draining. I do appreciate my solitude and silence. Not that I have many friends that visit, but even if they wanted to, if I absolutely HAVE to be social, I'd rather visit others because then I can leave when I want to. You don't have the option of kicking people out without offending them if they visit you.
-Emotional instability; meltdowns: If something happens to make me extremely happy or upset, then I become extremely happy or upset. I do not have many intermediate states and do find it impossible to internalize my emotional response. EXTREMELY sensitive to emotional atmosphere. I am also too sensitive to other's emotions and mental state, moods, and expressions.
-Isolation due to minority interests. For me, this is being out of the loop on most pop culture. The internet helps a little, but I still have zero interest in fashion, tv, movies, etc. If it's in book form though, I am interested usually, but again it depends on content. 50 Shades of Grey was obnoxious and poorly written, but at least it got people to read I guess. So when I say I love to read, it isn't that. Think more Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, White Oleander (of course), etc.
-I spent all of my time outside that I could, also catching frogs, tadpoles, etc. I still love being outside best.
-Collecting odd things. For a while, I collected glass Mason jars.
-I love how he mentions Antique Roadshow. I have watched this, and I love it along with How It's Made. When it comes to tv, if I bother to watch it for any length of time, it is usually along a more education line of programming. I have little time or patience for anything else.
-Reading eyes and facial expressions. THIS IS SO difficult for me!! Not being able to focus on voices and inflections and it's almost like it's too much at once. As for eye contact, it depends on who it is. Men are more difficult for me, I am not sure why. I tend to space out when speaking with people. Or rather, when they are speaking to me. I do have to look at their mouths to understand.
-Prone to bullying and teasing, this definitely still affects me as an adult. -I have a hard time with fashion too, and it's often difficult to understand when to over or under dress. Jeans and shirts work best for me, so I usually try to keep it around that.
-I like that he brought up costume type outfits. Honestly, if it were appropriate to wear them, I probably would.
-Vulnerability. Not recognizing when one is flirting or being otherwise inappropriate. I have gotten myself in more than one bad situation because I didn't understand the signs at the time.
-I set my expectations low and as a result, gravitate towards abusive people. My entire marriage was like this. I am awful at character judgment.
Submitted May 26, 2019 at 11:27PM by BlackberryBiscuit http://bit.ly/30KHGzB
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