This post is basically just to vent, but it might open up the conversation for advice and maybe it will be helpful to others in a similar situation. To preface, I will be moving out in the immediate future, so I don't need any advice for this particular situation for myself.
About 6 months ago, I (24F) found myself in a situation where I needed to move out of my old apartment rather immediately. I couldn't afford to pay for my own place, so I started looking into finding a roommate. My current roommate (26F) I found via an app (unfortunately I can't remember the name right now but if I do I'll edit this post later) and I sent her an email to see if she was still looking for a roommate, when to meet up, etc. When I came to check out the apartment and meet her face-to-face, she seemed super nice and we had similar interests and lifestyles we wanted to maintain at home. I explained that I had 2 cats and they were mostly friendly, but one has problems with people and can be aggressive. She said she was open to having pets in the apartment because she loves animals. So I took the plunge and said yes and signed the lease.
Flash forward to the present, I'm too exasperated to care anymore, but the situation has become extremely stressful and draining for me mentally and emotionally. Roommate likes to play what I call the "pretends she's cute-but-dumb passive aggressive card". She doesn't like face-to-face discussion that involves potential conflict. She will instead text me during my work day to voice her complaints (i.e. - The cats are scratching my furniture! How can we get them to stop? Can you train them to not do that?). For this particular example, I've explained to her that cats are not like dogs. They cannot be trained in the same fashion. While I do try to reinforce good behavior, sometimes they think the sofa is a scratching post. I've tried to keep their nails clipped, I bought the spray that's supposed to deter them, etc. but nothing worked to meet her standards. However, this is no longer and issue because the cats are no longer allowed to leave my room "without supervision, until they learn to behave better". The cats aren't the only issue. I will get texts about dishes being left in the sink for more than 1 day (no, I don't let them get really disgusting and pile up to the ceiling, I just don't wash them immediately like her or put them in the dishwasher right away - especially if it's late at night or I'm rushing to work).
My boyfriend is only allowed over 2 nights per week, after a discussion her and I had about boundaries. He's not allowed to leave after I leave for work, because she's concerned about someone other than her and I having access to the apartment during the day. So my boyfriend has had to wake up and leave my apartment at 6:30 to go back to his apartment, because he can't go to work yet and he isn't allowed to borrow the spare key for a day.. despite the fact that my roommate has met him and now known him for 6 months. I also have to ask permission/give her a heads up before he comes over. This wouldn't be an issue, except her and her boyfriend apparently don't need to follow the same rules. She repeatedly has him over without so much as a word to me about it, and to my surprise I will come home to the two of them in the apartment and no warning from her about it. Same for sleepovers. I have to give her notice but she doesn't have to give me notice. Even though it was her idea in the first place.
Icing on the cake is that for the holidays, she decided to go home. I stayed home to cut down on costs, and decided I wanted to host some friends. I discussed it with her and she told me she didn't feel comfortable having people she didn't know and hadn't met in the apartment while she wasn't in town/home. She suggested I host the get together in one of the apartment common areas, but that the apartment should be off-limits and the guests could use the public bathrooms in the complex. I was flabbergasted, and eventually brought up that I felt that I should be allowed to have my guests over and if she was really that concerned we could maybe install a lock on her bedroom door, and move her important personal belonging in the common area there for the time she was gone, so no one could accidentally break something. I also suggested she could put a camera in her room for peace of mind (I happen to have one in my bedroom to check on my cats periodically during the workday or if I sleepover at my boyfriend's apartment). Her response was that that wasn't necessary and this would be a good opportunity for her to expand her comfort zone.
I started planning my get together. Except one night, the week prior to her departure, while doing my dishes I looked up and noticed a light on the wall in the living room. I got a closer look and realized it was a CAMERA. My roommate had installed a camera in the living room without telling me. I didn't bring it up, waiting for her to mention what she'd done. Nothing. Another night I came home to her and her boyfriend installing a new lock on her bedroom door. Instead of telling me what was happening (I could clearly see what they were doing at the dining room table) she explained it was an "art project". Right before she leaves for her trip, we're chatting about nothing in particular when she finally says "oh by the way I installed a camera and a lock like you suggested!" I ended up having the party at my boyfriend's to avoid her calling or texting me during the party to critique my guest's behavior if it wasn't to her liking.
TL;DR - My roommate is crazy. Installed a camera and lock without telling me. Won't let my cats leave my room without supervision until they're "better behaved". Made up rules for me to follow that she doesn't even follow herself, like sleepover restrictions and giving warning before having a guests stay over. Will text me during my day to complain about my cats, the dishes, etc. (passive aggressively) and can invite her friends over whenever she likes but won't let me have people over without her home too, unless she's met them first.
Anyway, I'm moving out in a little under a month and I'm ecstatic. I cannot wait to never speak to this insane girl again. She has to be one of the most selfish people I've ever had the displeasure of meeting and she clearly doesn't care about "fair". Learn from my mistakes and know exactly what you need or want, and discuss it, before you agree to live with a stranger.
Edit: In case anyone is wondering, this is a throwaway because I don't want her finding it and coming back to harass me on my main account.
Submitted January 15, 2019 at 11:19AM by badroommates2 http://bit.ly/2FynIjj
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