I am dying of thirst.
Since this sub's posts are great quality discussions I'll put some effort into my shitpost too, so here's some fanfic.
One of the cave goblins was re-telling its perspective of the battle to the other goblins who either escaped first or was not present. The story reached a crescendo when it described an adventurer holding off multiple Raskghars by himself. With the help of a couple other goblins, they began to re-enact the fight, showing how the adventurer was slashing away with one hand and blocking blows with the other, strapped in a shield.
Although the little green creatures were complete amateurs at the art of battle, and the little sticks and wooden board made for terrible fighting instruments, the 30 or so members of their audience were captivated nonetheless. It began when two Raskghars charged at him from the front, just after he stepped through the magical door, represented by two other upright sticks.
The first incoming strike saw the cave-goblin-acting-adventurer ducking to the left, using his sword to parry the blow and smartly putting the first Raskghar in the way of the second. He then using his shield's edge, punched the breath, and possibly a rib or two, out of his adversary, forcing the beast to step back and crash into the charging Raskghar behind it. Momentum carried him forward, slashing left and right as the out of breath Raskghar struggled to block while getting its feet untangled from its fallen brethren at the same time. Two blows got through, and conveniently enough the stick-sword left soot marks on the Raskghar-goblin's body, the crude weapon no doubt taken from the remains of last night's hearth fire. One mark on the left shoulder, the other on the right ribs.
The wide-eyed goblins were more than caught up in the action, but it was at this point that Rabbiteater had just noticed the commotion from his bed tucked into an empty corner of the cave, and his movement towards the "stage" caused the "actors" to halt. Soon enough the all of the goblins nearby were staring at him. Feeling compelled to act the leader and not the fool he currently felt, Rabbiteater attempted to stand straighter and hoped against hope that he was not blushing. Raising a brow, he pointed at the soot marks, then at the actors with a raised eyebrow.
"Did you see the blows with your own eyes?" His brow seems to say, causing all the goblins on stage to nod at tremendous speed, as if their heads were about to fall off. He was about to ask another question when he noticed a current of uneasiness, appearing from the little flicks of the eye moving from his face to his shouldersand back, and the small fidgets of the fingers towards old wounds. His brows snapped together, half in anger and half in incredulousness, making the goblins jump.
"Scared? Of me?"
None of the goblins dared move, and all their eyes glued to their toes that were grinding against each other hard enough to bleed.
"I am goblin. You are goblin. We are goblin tribe, even without chieftain. You know this, I taught you this. Why still scared?"
All cave goblin eyes moved to his cape. Rabbiteater just stood still for a while, expecting more of an answer, something more along the lines of "Maybe I was too bloodthirsty in battle? Perhaps my butchering of the enemy made them fearful of my tremendous strength?" When nothing else came forth, he finally sighed, took his cape off, and gestured towards it.
"Not real blood."
No one was convinced. One goblin pointed at its nose, another at its eyes, and a third at its mouth. "All senses say blood" was the message.
"But not real blood", Rabbiteater said with resignation in his voice.
Silence was his answer. Some goblins started to slip away, while others nervously played with their finger nails, flicking away dirt and who knows what else. Frustrated, Rabbiteater could only go back to his corner of the cave and sulk. Alone, since no other goblin dared come close.
Except for hobs, of course.
"Train?" Asked Headscratcher.
Rabbiteater grunted back a sullen negative, causing a raised eyebrow from the other hob. The unasked question hung in the air, until Rabbiteater pointed at his cape and said, frustratedly,
"Other goblins scared".
Headscratcher scratched his head, then asked, "Why?"
"Blood".
More head scratching ensued, then Headscratcher turned, fetched a goblin, and pointed at Rabbiteater's cape, "Scared of blood?"
The goblin shook its head. Headscratcher was about to attempt another skull-digging when the goblin squeaked out,
"Raskghar blood".
"Raskghars are dead!", exclaimed Rabbiteater, "Scared of dead Raskghar blood!?"
Seeing the goblin was about to cry from the shouting, Headscratcher sighed, kneeled down and asked, "Why scared of Raskghar blood? Answer well, get food from Erin".
The mention of her name alone stopped the sniffing immediately, "Raskghar blood means dead cave goblins. Goblins nailed to boards, goblins beat to death, goblins eaten. Scared of Raskghar blood", said the goblin with an upbeat tone, totally mismatched with the content of its speech.
The revelation caused the two hobs to take a closer look at the cape. Its surface is still swirling in a deep maroon, the taste irony, and the smell is definitely of the correct substance, but the hobs could hardly tell which race the blood belonged to.
The hobs shared a look, first confused then impressed, and began to dig into the little goblin. They asked questions relating to the cave goblins' sense of smell, of taste, made conjectures as to why the differences exist between "above goblins" and "below goblins", assumed it was due to poor lighting conditions causing accelerated growth of the other senses, and many more such statements. It was after a while that the little green goblin finally uttered,
"Erin food?"
The question made the hobs pause, look back at the goblin, then finally noticing a dozen more curious eyes and ears suddenly turning away. Rabbiteater scoffed, Headscratcher head scratched, and then they both nodded to the suddenly jubilant goblins. As they made to move towards the door, Headscratcher tapped on Rabbiteater's shoulder, pointed at his cape then at the cave entrance, then motioned for the goblins to wait. Soon afterwards, Rabbiteater returned, his maroon cape turned translucent, emanating the smell of ozone.
Erin made pasta that night, and Rabbiteater later found his bed corner surrounded by a lot more bed rolls than yesterday.
Submitted December 17, 2018 at 10:12PM by OrangeBasket https://ift.tt/2QDvcIo
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