FullFatMilk: the lady in silk!

S'up my cupcakes, pancakes, and all other cake based snacks. It's ya girl SoyMilk.

This story is a little different to my Hamley Quinn series as it needs a little back story, so without further ado:

Tonight's cocktail, me: SoyMilk, a whole 17 years old, working at a vegan restaurant, still lactose intolerant, longer hair, single and bisexual (i'm experimenting) art student.

An Amuse-Bouche, BeanQueen: truly one of the sweetest people I have ever met, my manager, married to BurritoBoi.

Our appetizer, HappyRose: named cause she has some sickass pastel yellow pink hair, anorexic, film student with the best fashion.

The Main Course, BurritoBoi: tall motherfucker, awesome dude, spanish, married to BeanQueen.

Dessert, HoneyedBee: very christian, sweet as honey and soft as wool, generally nice person to work with.

AND OUR HAM OF THE NIGHT, READY TO BE CARVED AND SERVED WITH A SIDE OF MAC'N'CHEESE, SWEET POTATO CASSEROLE, BUT NO GREEN BEANS (have to watch our figure tee^hee): FullFatMilk: unnecessarily bougie, legbeard, rude, wears jewelry and nail polish in an inappropriate environment, tormenter of SoyMilk and so many others.

So when I was 14 I got my first job after deciding to try and improve my life, and this tiny vegan place accepted my request and I got an interview and the job. YAY SOYMILK YOURE NOT JUST WATCHING YOUTUBE AND EATING DAIRY FREE ICECREAM! So I was over the FUCKING CASHEW NUT CHEESE MOON. To put it lightly.

Working there was interesting and I very much appreciated it, so when the place went out of business I was really sad. However it meant that I could tell all y'all the stories that came about from working there with a clear ending. I have a lot of stuff about Hammy customers, but today is about FullFatMilk.

When FullFatMilk applied she had to do a week of less paid trial where she was trained as this was her first job. The first thing to note was that this 240lb monster of a 26 year old had NEVER HAD A SHITEING JOB PRIOR TO THIS, and had been leeching off of her parents and partners like an actual fucking parasite. Speaking of parasites: lice. Need I say more? She was a diet coked, HAES soaked ham, she didn't wash.

Her first shift was actually with me and of course she had to shadow me which was an experience. She leaned in too close so I could smell the fear that her stomach gave off because she had crammed it so full of fathershitting SubHAES. I'm naturally SICKENED by this but I brush it off along with the lice. She seemed nice but in the way a toddler is when you have ice-cream or something they want. She was a manipulative messy meaner. (See Mother not every sentence I say has a fuck-mothering cuss in it, ya bitch.) But it got worse on her second shift with me.

---

If a restaurant has leftovers sometimes the waiting staff eat it. I'm known for it, it's why I'm no longer underweight. But you always make sure to leave some for everyone and you never steal food from customers' plates.

HappyRose always secured a kind of coconut milk Red curry we had if that was going and I along with many other was completely fine with it. So one day we get a whole uneaten bowl of it and HappyRose nearly explodes into a stack of Tarantino films and black glitter, it's vile but I love her enthusiasm. FullFatMilk is also excited. She yanks the bowl from the side and takes a spoon of it into her gaping maw. She moans ob-fucking-scenely, and then tries to eat the rest. I take the bowl from her and remind her that it's for everyone. She tries to launch into a 'MUH CONDISHONS' but I'm bulimic and HappyRose is anorexic she does not get much sympathy from either of us as we both have been severely under weight. And her 'I HAVE TO EATTTT' was just making me think of that goddamn doctor from "My 600lb life" it was pitiful. HappyRose got fed up and left to go work and I got pissed and said something along the lines of "Do what you want, I don't care." So me and HappyRose are running floor and food and there's a fat sweating pig covered in makeup and curry in the waiting area. Truly a fucking marvel of nature. Jesus Fuck.

She was also wearing a headscarf (we had to cover our hair to make sure we didn't have any hair incidents, long story short it happened one too many times in the past) that was PURE SILK. We are a V E G A N restaurant and this absolute used plaster comes in with Silk on her head. IT GOT RUINED WITHIN AN HOUR THERES OIL AND COOKING EQUIPMENT EVERYWHERE WHAT DID YOU WANT TO HAPPEN YA TWAT. She got very upset and cried and ate more of our food and then tried to get money for it and was denied. She also hadn't taken off her jewelry even though it's policy to remove it in order to limit problems. QueenBean came over.

QB: Jewelry comes off please.

FFM: But I need to look pretty for the custoMAHS.

QB: Take it off please.

FFM: You can't make me thats discriminaSHONS.

QB: It's policy just like hair coverings take off the jewelry and put it in the office.

FFM: You're wearing a ring, so why should IIIIE!

QB:

FFM:

QB:

FFM:

BurritoBoi: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

So BurritoBoi hears the whining and comes from the kitchen. He's HeadChef^tm so very important. He also stands at 6'9. HES A FUCKING GIANT AND A HUGE PRICK BUT WE ALL LOVE HIM.

QB: H e l p.

FFM: ITS NOT FAIR. WE SHOULD ALL BE EQUAL AND THATS DISCRIMINASHONS.

BB: (◉͜ʖ◉)

BB: O rly.

QB:

SoyMilk:

HR:

FFM:

SoyMilk: ya done fuckled it up my man.

FullFatMilk gets educated on what marriage is and why they are allowed to wear their rings. It's beautiful. I'm convinced I'll never see her again. Y'know bearing in mind this is a trial week and this is her second shift.

(ಥ ͜ʖಥ) cue internal screaming and the 5th Symphony of Beethoven.

She gets the job.

TDLR: SoyMilk's back and better than ever. Ham likes curry and not marriage.

Submitted July 25, 2018 at 01:05AM by soymilkclover https://ift.tt/2NIlHSF