Updoot on life.

I haven't seriously posted in awhile.

Truth is, right now its a mixed bag of good and difficult.

Difficult:

1. My dad is still very much against what is going on with my partner. This really negatively affects the rest of the family, as my sister is gay and my other sister is bi and then there is me- queer with a trans partner. So, it's all a bit crazy. My mom is fine with it, but my dad believes in biological sex = gender. He is a NP in a hospital and just absolutely refuses to think about anything other than medically. I've tried to explain he is not a psychologist or a specialist in trans issues but it's like talking to a brick wall.

2. My partner, A, has a mom and dad that are not really ok with what is going on either. both my dad and them are scared and weirded out in equal measure- and it makes things quite difficult for us. I worry all conversations will lead to my partner being trans instead of having family bonding, etc.

3. I am also still job hunting, 3 months later, with some success but only in part-time jobs that look good on resumes but really don't pay crap. The good thing is they give me a wider range of experience, bad thing is I need a full-time job to eat. I have been job hunting every day but you all know the drill. apply to 400, hear back from 3, interview 1, and then get rejected.

4. My grandfather is also dying, and we suspect he wont make it through the end of summer. I am lucky to have, through my credit card, enough miles to get there and back for a funeral when it comes.

5. My partner went on hormones for 2 weeks before getting off of them because it messed with his blood sugar (type 1 diabetic) by making him insulin resistant. It also just felt "weird" to him. He now states hes trans but more of a gender nonconforming type. I call BS and think its simply because the pressure of our families + the sudden difficulty on HRT was just way too much to handle and he backed off. This is a repeating pattern in other aspects of his life. The small silver lining in this is that he is growing out his hair and still doing laser hair removal, so there is still a bit of progress being made. Hopefully, we can tackle HRT but I think he went super fast, realized how tough it was, and then backed off. In my opinion, the sooner we rip all these bandaids off and go for it the better we can adjust to the new normal.

The good things are:

1. I am job hunting and I have 2 part-time jobs, one as a content writer and one as an illustration for an incredible non-profit organization that focuses on creating works of art to help boost love and care in people, and also teach meditation in a non-religious way. We just got backed by Duke University for what we do and I think this startup company may completely expand. The more it does, the more we get paid as well which is just beyond awesome. I would be working at this job as a volunteer, so to get paid is just great!

2. I made a friend who happens to be trans but has no girly connections. We hosted a girly night and I did her makeup and painted her nails and we got drunk on our patio and laughed and watched deadpool. It was glorious, girly, fun, and my partner jumped in (which he has only ever felt comfortable presenting around me- so it was a big deal!) and it became a big girly sleepover. I think the more I bring her over (shes full time and completely out) the more confidence A will have about moving forward.

3. The weather has been amazing and I am so happy its officially summertime here. It feels great, and as much as I am working away to getting a job I am also focused on meditation and becoming a better person since I have time.

4. My relationship with A is just as strong. I was a tough girl and decided to take away a lifelong dream- having my partner ask for my hand. Its very clear my dad would chew A out and I am not willing to put him in harm's way. It's bittersweet because it feels really good to have a grip on my own life and focus heavily on what I want, not what family wants. September is when I think he will pop the question, maybe October. No later than that. We have been rocks to one another so I am super excited to realize we would be perfect as a married couple.

How are things with all of you? Where are you at? What do you want to talk about? Reminisce? Vent about? here to lend an ear.

Submitted May 28, 2018 at 06:09PM by MyPartnerisaBadass https://ift.tt/2Lz85bT